Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Not to make this about race or anything, but they kinda had to, didn't they?
Ewww. That sounded awful coming out.
Regardless, congratulations Chairperson Steele (former Lt. Gov. of Maryland)!!!! Actually, this is a great choice. He's a rising star in the GOP and may actually have the know-how to remake the party. And from Maryland ... a more blue state ... I haven't done much research, but I don't think he's rampantly anti-gay. (Oh damn, damn, damn)
Sigh, it is to dream.
Due to an unbelievable amount of ice at the statehouse location, the state will not permit a rally on the premises we had previously secured. But we won't let that stop us from rallying for equality with pro-equality Ohioans from across the state!This is the same protest that was going to happen tomorrow at the statehouse , that I've mentioned before (and was originally scheduled two weeks ago, but had to be canceled due to weather). Unfortunately, IMPACTCincinnati received a phone call yesterday saying that the state house grounds were a sheet of ice 3 inches thick and, due to budget cuts, they couldn't clear it. So it is being moved.
Saturday's rally for equality has been relocated to Stonewall Columbus (1160 N High St), conveniently located just a few minutes from the statehouse. Although we will not be at the state house, this doesn't change the significant impact we ALL will make tomorrow as we gather in support of equality.
PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE WORD OF THE NEW LOCATION!!!!!
Put it in your facebook status, e-mail and call your friends. Together, we can spread the word statewide in just a matter of hours.
See everyone tomorrow!!
Cameron Tolle, lead organizer, has described this as "the little rally that could," and has sworn he will never organize an outside event in January again. He promises. :-)
1000th Post -- Wow.
Anyways, so this week's question was fun, and got a shit ton of responses. Simply put, it was: Can you meet the love of your life in a bar? Though I had expected more responses last week with the STD question, this one got a lot of people answering, which is fantastic.
First, I have to give a shout out to what I think is the BEST answer over all, from Jackie S., via Facebook (I totally LOL'd):
- @amyscalia, and publisher of CincyChic: met my hubby in a bar... while I was on a date with someone else! So, my vote it "yes"! :)
- @stealanangel: i highly doubt it.
- @Dr_Jared: I'd like to think so, but alas, I'm to young to go to the bars! :(
- @veganjacob, and blogger: here's my rationale: if I'M in a bar, then i can assume that my future mate, could possibly be in a bar.
- Bernard C, via Facebook: I did!
- John S., via Facebook: love of my life? we all know i dont plan on having one of those. of my weekend? probably.
- Lisa W., via Facebook: Depends...I'm guessing the more alcohol linvolved, the less likely it is...But you might end up with some really fun stories!
- @1confusedgirl, and blogger: for the most part, no. unless you plan on getting in a car wreck with each other the same night you meet them....
- Dan D., via Facebook: I would have to say yes, I know guys that have meet in bookstores, parks and bathhouses. If you can find love in those places you can find love in the bar.
- Lia H. , via Facebook: You can meet your love online, at AA or a party, and people will say that's sweet or they're happy for you, but the second you say 'I met him at a bar' people automatically think it's shit. Why does it matter where you meet them?
- Amber F., via Facebook: Of course!? Why not? All things are possible :)
- Eddie M., via Facebook, and blogger: Let's find out! Below Zero on Thursday night -- see ya there, boys. You don't even have to bring flowers.
- @micaindetroit: Yes, absolutely; in fact, several in one night.
- @jnd3001: i did!
- @iamDeckaset (damn, lost the link): bars & the love of your life?... sure as long as the both of you are sober or plan to stay drunk your entire relationship:0
- @JaytheBigLug, and blogger: my parents met in a bar- 1st time mom ever went to one- and they still like each other. I just explained my 20s, didn't I?
- @cincycub: You can meet the love of your life anywhere, yes, even in a bar.
- @5lbeefyguy (damn, lost the link: I met mine in a sleazy bar 6 years ago
- @JereKeys, and blogger:: Well, considering that he's been so rude as to not show up at all the places I've been waiting for him, yeah, he's probably off getting tanked and watching go-go boys stuff bills into g-strings.
- Wolf : Sure it is! Anyone know where and if Cameron Tolle drinks? No but seriously. You can meet the love of your life anywhere. Bar included. Of course the Bigger your Community the more venues other than bars are available to meet them at.
- Cincinnati NAMjA: Of course you can...and then you wake up.
- Miss Chanak, via comment: The answer is "yes" however, in my dotage, I prefer bars in the slow lane, also known as, churches. Praise the Goddess.
- @ninjarad: why not at a bar? it's just another location like a museum or park or restaurant or work.
- Jeffery, via comment: I met the first love of my life in a bar. Turns out he was a crack head. Thanks be to jeebus I met my very true love after that via on line dating nine years ago. Just goes to show you that love can be found anywhere
- Julie N., and blogger: You can meet the love of your life at a truck stop. You never know when you'll find someone (friend or lover) who's totally amazing.
- Montgomery Maxton: "What's a bar? They have those in Cincinnati?"
- Joe (OB4), via comment: Can you meet a love in a BAR........... Well Yea, I thought I did once, 5 yr relationship till he went psycho, suicidal, etc. Of all things back in 1995 I was working the door at the DOCK carded this guy, gave him hell about his ID, didn't look like him, sorta got in my face, kept coming back each week then asked me out.... moved in and spent 5 yrs with me..... He was a damn good guitarist, and played great music, sex was always great. He shared a extremely traumatic point in my life, the lose of my dad, who treated him like a second son. I still think about him often. James Friebert I still miss you.
- @quixoticblazes, and blogger: I never try to find anything serious in a bar. But maybe others have more luck/success?
- @mobu67, and blogger: Of course you CAN, it's just highly unlikely!
- @glascock: Totally. I met my baby daddy in a bar.
- @geekjames: I did! At a drag show in Raleigh, NC, 11 yrs ago, neither one of us had ever been there! A long one night stand!
- @TommyTShirt: I don't think it matters where you meet the love of your life just that you meet them. So I guess thats a yes.
- @BonneNuit: Sure!
- Hailey N., via Facebook: i believe it really depends how drunk you are...
- Aedyn S., via Facebook: yes...
- Lisa S., via Facebook: sure:)
- Shanell H., via Facebook: See that's how my husband became my ex falling in love without me at the bar lol!
WHEW!!! You guys sure had a lot to say about this.
My response is actually a lot closer to @veganjacob's than to anyone else's. My thinking is this: if I'm in the bar, and I am (genuinely) looking for love, then there has to be someone else there doing the same right? In the end, I suppose, we are all looking for love in one way or another; it just depends on how it plays out.
If we define love as a quick roll in the sack, then, no doubt, that's the love we get. If we define love as a relationship that lasts a couple of years, then that's what we get.
In the end, we get the love we think we deserve.
My sister doesn't believe this, and often retorts my excitement over new boys with the response: did you meet him in the bar? (What she doesn't realize is that I've been nice -- CF, if you read this, and you won't -- my response should have always been: does he challenge you or is just or arm candy? Is he smart enough or is he just buying you things? Blah. That's another story) I think she's wrong.
I think it is possible to find love wherever you go, but I want to add an addendum. And, I think, this is where I make mistakes.
I truly believe that we find love when we are least expecting it. Dixie and I had this conversation over the weekend, as she recently entered a relationship and suddenly the boys are begging her for a piece. We agreed that it has nothing to do with unattainability, and we agreed it has nothing to do with suddenly noticing it more. Rather, we lose that hunting look. When we stop looking and start experiencing, I think, we abandon that predatory sense where our eyes wander and our excitement grows at the next cute boy in the room.
As a way of explaining, my friend Michelle S. explained to me that people respond to you, in the ways of a relationship, when you absorb yourself in your own life. When your life becomes completely about other people, or wanting to be around other people, and you have nothing in your own life to show for the time it takes to pass one day to the next... well, what interest is there? What enthusiasm? Who wants to date someone whose life will be consumed by you?
To put the points together: when you go out to the bars with friends, and you absorb yourself in your friends and your time with them, you become more attractive. Because people see you as a social person with lots of people that want to be around you.
When you have that hunting look, when your predatory senses are high, then... well, then people only see the hunter and the absolute desire of another person for whatever purpose works for that evening.
Which is terribly unattractive.
In short, it's a rare case that love flourishes over blow jobs in the Serpent. More than likely, you didn't go there for that.
Stick around. This is turning out to be a popular feature here at QueerCincinnati.com. Next question will be posted Wednesday-ish.
Seriously? From the Sun:
A PAIR of GAY penguins are so loved-up they have been given a WEDDING service.
The besotted male birds turned out to be such a great parenting pair their keepers thought they deserved a reward and let them marry.
They were once given the cold shoulder at the wildlife park in China for stealing heterosexual couples' eggs to nest as their own.
But after being allowed to try out with eggs rejected by their mothers the couple have become the zoo's best penguin parents.
Now keepers at Polarland Zoo in Harbin, north east China, have rewarded their devotion with a wedding day.
One wore a tie and the other was dressed in a red blouse – a traditional Chinese bridal colour – as they stepped into their icy wedding room to the music of the Wedding March.
Keepers then served them their favourite dish for the occasion – spring fish.
"They have been a good couple and deserved their reward," said one keeper.
The lesson here: the better couples we are, as gay people, the more likely we are to get our "reward" -- i.e., marriage.
It sounds a lot like how black athletes/soldiers felt -- that they had to be better than everyone else several times over just to get the same recognition that "normal" people did. On the one hand, this story is cute and adorable. On the other hand, it makes me sick.
I really don't think China will be acknowledging gay marriage for, you know, humans anytime soon.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
From a Neatorama article explaining how to change construction road signs to warn people of Zombies.
Coincidence? I think not.
Does anyone else think, perhaps, the PD should have just taken it as the joke it was, and posted "Zombie Threat Eliminated, Road Construction Ahead." I think that would have shown a great, human side to the government.
And we wouldn't have these silly threats to go after college pranksters.
On Tuesday around noon, it became official: Barack Obama became the 44th president of the United States, and black people won’t have President George W. Bush to kick around anymore. Some of us may find that hard to do.And here's another interesting piece.
Just think of it: NAACP board Chairman Julian Bond won’t be able to give his annual anti-Bush tirade at the organization’s convention. No more cracks about Republicans being America’s version of the Taliban. No more NAACP Voter Education Fund “issue ads” all but claiming Bush supports lynching.
Bush-bashers who skewer him for supporting the No Child Left Behind Act will feel an emptiness inside, although they were on shaky logical grounds to begin with. Really, what can you do with otherwise intelligent people who make remarks like this: “No Child Left Behind is awful, and it’s underfunded.”
A columnist colleague of mine said pretty much that to NAACP Washington, D.C. bureau chief Hilary Shelton back in November. Shelton responded by agreeing wholeheartedly. Neither he nor my colleague quite grasped the notion that bad laws shouldn’t be funded at all, “under” or otherwise. By contrast, Wade Henderson of the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights did have enough integrity to point out that the NCLB law did have some good provisions.
The NCLB law was a bipartisan effort supported by none other than Sen. Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts, a Democrat with some pretty liberal street cred. That didn’t stop the Bush-bashing when it came to NCLB and darn near everything else.
Remember when Kanye West popped off, in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina disaster, about how “Bush doesn’t care about black people?" That phrase soon morphed into “George Bush doesn’t like black people,” which strikes me as something distinctly different from “not caring” about black people. After all, the people who said little to nothing about the crimes committed against black folks in New Orleans by black criminals long before Katrina hit can also be accused of “not caring” about black people. And that would be virtually all of us, Kanye included.
We cared about the increasing rate of HIV positive infections among black folks only insofar as we could use them to bash Bush or former Vice President Dick Cheney. Remember the 2004 vice presidential debate, when Cheney admitted that he wasn’t aware of the increased rate of HIV positive infections among black women? Remember the outraged reaction?
“How DARE Dick Cheney not know about the increased rate of HIV positive infections among black women?”
Had we saved some of that outrage for the brothers who are infecting those sisters, maybe the rate of infection would be lower. But black folks getting mad at irresponsible black folks? No way. Too Bill Cosbyish.
It’s time for a bit of uncomfortable truth about the growing rate of HIV positive infections among black folks: Most of it is caused by people who willingly engage in the high-risk conduct that results in getting the AIDS virus. That would be unprotected sex and injecting drugs intravenously with an infected needle. What could former President Bush and former Vice President Cheney have done about people who willingly choose to engage in high-risk, irresponsible conduct?
Why, the same thing President Obama can do: Absolutely nothing.
Oh, there’ll be the usual claim that Obama can increase funding for sex education and kick the “abstinence only” education out the window. “Abstinence only” sex ed has been widely seen as a Bush brainchild, but writer Ta-Nehisi Coates reported in the December issue of Vibe magazine that it actually started under President Clinton, who funded it for $50 million a year. Coates reported that the funding under Bush increased to $176 million a year.
“Abstinence only” sex ed is seen as a failure and one that’s attributed to Bush. But the failure started long before he came into office. If federal dollars for public education resulted in a system where many black students achieved only a basic level in reading and math – meaning that the students could barely read or do math – then what could that same system teach them about sex ed? Why even trust the same system to effectively teach them about sex ed? If the system can’t teach them reading and math, chances are it can’t teach them about sex either.
The first – and really, the only – teachers of sex education should be the parents. Many of them choose to pass on it. Who can we blame for that?
One thing is certain: we don’t have Bush to blame anymore.
No commentary. I'm just sayin'.
Here's your preview:
It started bad enough, the two days of the white death we just had here in Cincinnati.Don't forget to check out my whole column over at Rainbow Cincinnati. And find the rest of the excellent content of the site by clicking on the image below.
Two tests with grades in the 70s range -- to my credit, I was six points above the course average in one of the classes -- and a patient assignment that can best be described as "complicated," I managed to get home around 5:00pm to discover I had left my keys at school.
Fuck it, I thought, I'm going to bed.
(click here for the whole shebang)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
UPDATE 2/2/09: THANK YOU JERE! You taught me how to turn off the autostart feature -- I really really appreciate it!!!
On the back of the tranny controversy...
I thought this was appropriate. Is it wrong for me to think, damn those girls are FIERCE? Took off their hoop earrings and their stilettos and all.
But seriously, don't piss off a drag queen. For your own safety. Bitches wanted their chicken nuggests and fries!
That seems to be the lesson here. Good for the White Castle employees in Northside to hear.
Just kidding. I repeat: that was not a threat.
Just saying. They're slow. And rude.
...and I want my mozzerella cheese sticks.
I would have like to have seen the discussion in the news room. "So, what do we call them?" It's funny they settled on transvestite.
(Thanks to DumbWhore, my new friend on Twitter, but NSFW.)
The KYPost is reporting that Daniel Mongiardo, Lt. Gov. of Kentucky, is seeking to replace Jim Bunning in his Senate seat. Unfortunately for Bunning, he is not being widely supported by his own party.
Mongiardo lost his bid for Senate in 2004 against Bunning by a paltry 1%.
So we have: popular Lt. Gov. with a history of performing well against a popular incumbent GOP Senator, after the incumbent's own party asked him to retire. Sounds like a fun recipe.
Electoral-vote.com is also reporting that Attorney General, Jack Conway, may also seek the Dem nomination for 2010. As we saw in 2008, primaries are not always a bad thing as they get a chance to vet the candidate on softer terms between people of the same party who have a vested interest.
If it's all the same, 2010 looks like the year a Dem is elected to the Senate in Kentucky. Too bad Mongiardo is bad on same sex marriage, but he IS good on safe schools.
Oh, but this is fun, apparently Bunning likes to accuse both of these men that they are gay. Fabulous. Here is goes again. Jesus. To which Mongiardo, btw, responded by getting engaged to a 21 year old. Ha! Charlie Crist what? And apparently the Jack Conway rumors arise out of the fact that he has accepted money from homosexuals. Outing -- not just for the Advocate anymore.
This weekend, House Minority Leader John Boehner wrongly claimed that the Medicaid Family Planning State Option, a common sense provision to expand basic health care to millions of women, would cost hundreds of millions of dollars. The option, which became the victim of Boehner's misleading attacks and partisan politics, was dropped from the economic stimulus bill.Thanks, guys. Really appreciate all of your hard work.
"This option rightfully belonged in the economic recovery package," said Kathy Kneer, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood Affiliates of California. "The Republican leadership, which demanded its removal, has once again shown just how divisive and out of touch they are with the American public, which overwhelming supports access to family planning services."
The Medicaid Family Planning State Option will ultimately save money in tough economic times. The Congressional Budget Office estimates that the state option would save the federal government $700 million over ten years, freeing up money to go toward other pressing state and national priorities during these tough economic times.
In California, independent evaluations of the current family planning expansions have significant estimated cost savings - approximately $1.5 billion annually in state and federal government savings from costs associated with unintended pregnancy. Allowing a waiver also saves state administrative costs in tough budget times.
The Medicaid Family Planning State Option would allow millions of low income women to obtain basic health care including breast and cervical cancer screenings. It extends safety net health care coverage for millions who are losing their jobs and health insurance in the economic downturn.
"During this tough economic time, expanding access to basic health care is critical for women and families," Kneer said. "Medicaid Family Planning State Option is an essential priority for the health of low-income working women. We expect a clear and public commitment from the administration to secure family planning services for low-income individuals and we urge Congress to act quickly to include the family planning option in the next possible moving vehicle sent to the President."
PPPAC is encouraging you to call. As well you should.
Johanna Siguroardottir, former Minister of Social Policy, has been tapped to get the job of Prime Minister of Iceland, taking over a bankrupt and quickly falling apart government. Reports are that she was the most popular minister left in the government, making her the most obvious replacement for the outgoing PM.
Johanna Siguroardottir, 66, a member of the Icelandic Parliament since 1978, was designated Tuesday by leaders of Iceland’s Social Democratic Alliance Party as the party’s choice for prime minister following the collapse of the country’s governing coalition Monday.This will her make the highest ranking openly LGBT person ever (in terms of "hard power" -i I'm sure there have been a lot of LGBT of people who have some level of political power outside of their official titles, but she will be the firs one with "ran a country" behind her name... unless you count Margaret Thatcher).
Siguroardottir, if ratified to become prime minister as expected by an interim coalition formed by the Social Democratic Alliance and other political parties, must grapple with rising unemployment and near chaos in the country’s banking system brought about by the worldwide financial crisis.
“If she is gay, that is not an issue at all,” said Olafur Sigurdsson, deputy chief of mission at the Icelandic Embassy in Washington.
“We are very liberal in that sense,” he said. “It has never been an issue for her as a politician.”
And so the gay rights movement gains steam... every where else but here.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
It's totally worth it.
For my fantasy nerds out there, don't expect a life changing fantasy movie... just look at it for what it is... a really hot guy whom they like to show off his abs. :-)
Former Ohio State Senator, former US Congressperson, former Chair of the House Budget Committee, and current Honorary Chairperson of RECHARGE OHIO, this one comes with a whole list of fun things to deal with. Well, not a long list but let's cover two:
1) He voted for a DC ban on gays and other unmarried persons from adopting -- which very closely failed in the House, with 213 voting for it in 1999.Nope. Don't like him. Move on. Even if he does turn out to be gay, he's a hypocrite.
2) Meanwhile, he may be gay himself. See, he's a bachelor, and he lived with his male chief-of-staff. Some people call it baiting, we call it hypocrisy. (Even if he is heterosexual, btw, it's still hypocrisy for
the freaking GOPa conservative to call gay-baiting a bad thing... they are the architects of the Federal Marriage Amendment.)
3) He voted for the 1996 Federal DOMA.
Go away, Rep. Kasich.
In her favor, there are absolutely not unattractive pictures of her on teh interweb except for that one. And that's not that bad.
Oh, Christ. While gay activists were busy angrily masturbating at each other, the people on the other side were busy accomplishing things. They're anticipating that Obama will overturn DOMA (which is like the national version of Prop 8), and they've already taken steps to stop him.
Check out domadefensefund.com -- we won't contribute to their pagerank by linking to it, but we all need to see what they're doing so that we can one-up them, and do it YESTERDAY. Look at how slick they are: it actually looks like they're presenting an urgent, reasonable case. Never mind that their claims are as silly and made-up as "Prop 8 will protect children" -- it doesn't matter whether they're telling the truth. All that matters is that people will believe them.
Where is everyone? Why the FUCK did we waste time fight Rick Warren? And, really, to all you bloggers and leaders out there at the Equality Summit... what are you accomplishing?
After yesterday's craptastic day, Christ College canceled classes today!!! Watching WLWT because they are my friend on Twitter. Seriously.
This Saturday at the Statehouse, there will be a Rally for equality.
There has been plenty of talk recently about hope and change, but we all know that actions speak louder than words. President-elect Obama has said that he will be the LGBTQ community’s ally in the White House, but we have heard the promises before. We must not sit idly by and hope that he will stand by his word. Now is the time to act.
This is why Equality Ohio, the Human Rights Campaign, and Join the Impact Ohio are joining together to produce a Rally for Equality on January 31, 2009. These three large groups have planned the January 31 event at the Ohio Statehouse in response to a national call for action against the twelve-year-old Defense of Marriage Act (commonly known as DOMA), which is a Proposition 8 type law at the federal level. DOMA denies loving same-gender couples more than 1,000 federal rights that are guaranteed to married heterosexual couples. Similar rallies will be held across the country on January 31 in protest of DOMA.
Additionally, the three groups hope to draw attention to the problem of violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered Americans (LGBT Americans). While hate crimes nationally are decreasing, members of the LGBT community continue to face increasing threats of violence. Also of importance to Ohio’s LGBT community are the lack of equal housing rights, fair employment practices, and marriage equality.
Don’t let America or our new President look away from these issues. Stand up on January 31st and let your voice be heard. Whether or not you can attend, do your best to spread the word.
INVITE YOUR FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK. TALK TO YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND COWORKERS.
The more people we can get to attend, the bigger our statement for equality will be! If you would like to go but can’t find a ride, stay tuned for carpooling info to be announced Monday. In the meantime, tell everyone you know about the rallies coming up on Saturday, January 31st!
Sadly, I will not be in attendance :-(. I have to go to a job that I love :-). But I hope all of you get the chance to go -- it looks like the weather might actually be excellent this time around!!!
Monday, January 26, 2009
I was surprised when I started getting a lot of hits on it, and then I got a text message from Jeffery who said he appreciated it. And then his family checked in and have been posting.
I'm glad you guys were able to share everything with me that you have, and I'm glad you've had a place to express some of your goodbyes.
My spy spoke nothing but the world of Doug's family. :-) They also express their deepest sympathies, but I can't reveal who it was as technically it was against the law for us to discuss Doug. Details, details.
But this came in from Doug's brother, Steve, and he asked that I post it, which I am more than happy to do...
I am not a member of your publication, so I hope that you can cut this onto your blog page. I am Doug's oldest brother, Steve. The world was truly a richer place for having had Doug in it for his 39 years. When he was administered his last rites on Friday, my daughter commented that if there was one person who did not need the religious cleansing, it was Doug. He never did anything wrong in his life.Thanks to all who have expressed their well wishes to the family, and thanks to all who are keeping the Felds and the Daltons in their thoughts and prayers.
Doug was a beautiful person, always willing to give of himself. His knowledge of algebra, and the myriad of tutorial sessions he provided, got my children through high school math. When our sister Joan was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago, Doug threw himself into leading fundraising activities for cancer research. The last complete family picture we have was at a cornhole fundraiser that Doug organized last May. All of the proceeds of that tournament went to the American Cancer Society. He was completely healthy just that recently.
He went into training for a 60 mile cancer research walk to be held in Chicago in August. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed just prior to that day that a tumor had been found. The day he should have left for Chicago was in fact the day he had surgery to try to cure him. Treatments were ineffective against this virulent strain, and while there was a brief window of hope through the Christmas holidays, the aggressive nature of this disease just overwhelmed Doug.
Doug became a lot happier person when Jeff came into his life about nine years ago. That was the first we knew of his lifestyle preferences, and we can take comfort in the fact that he and Jeff were accepted fully by our family. I can only hope that Jeff is able to find the courage to someday smile again. My heart breaks for the loss of my brother, but it equally aches for Jeff. I don't know how we are all going to be able to gather the strength to get through this, other than in the knowledge that Doug is now at peace.
Goodbye my brother.
Much love to you all. Every last one of you.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way… (wink)
Cincinnati has yet to coalesce enough of our gays into a section of the city to consider any of them a ghetto. Couple this with the fact that Northside seems to think it’s cooler than it is and we have a function of what some folks at the American Psycological Association call “Unskilled and Unaware” (http://www.apa.org/journals/features/psp7761121.pdf) .
People (and, I would argue, Communities) tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people (and communities of people) who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive abiltity (the capacity to distinguish accuracy from error) to realize it.
Northside presents itself in a false manner. This doesn’t appear to be malicious in any way – it’s just unaware that it truly isn’t urban and hip to those who are able to distinguish the differences between what is urban/hip and what is just unpleasant. There is a fine line between what is urban/trendy/hip and what is just raw. Northside is, and has remained, raw for so long that it’s reputation as and “up and coming area” is suspect. Though, the savvy gay is often in an area before its reputation has turned from “raw” to “up and coming” – Northside’s attempt at alteration has just gone on too long. Northside remains simply raw without any near-term possibility for conversion to anything more.
Okay – now I’ve beat Northside up a little because, as I previously stated, I’m not a fan. However, there are some great things in Northside:
• The Serpent
• The Yoga place whose name I can never remember
• The KFC/Taco Bell
• The NEW Bullfishes
• A Wig Store (my fav)
• A couple of tattoo Shops
• Taylor Jamison
• And plenty of other things I have yet to explore.
There’s also a park that we call home at least once a year for the pride parade and the GLBT Community Center calls Northside home as well.
So, Northside isn’t all bad, it’s just a bit under-qualified for the job. Maybe, in 10 or 15 more years it will have reached critical mass in gay-numbers and I’ll have to eat my words. For now, though, it is hardly “da-gay-ghetto”.
There’s my one Penny’s Worth (wink)
Smooches – pt
p.s. forgive my over/misuse of the quotation mark and inconsistency with its, it’s and it is. (and one last *wink* before I go)
HOMELESS GUY: "Hey, man, can I buy one of those off of you?"You. Fail.
ME: "Nah man, I only brought one out with me." (standard response line)
HOMELESS GUY: "Man, I been coming here 30 years, and that's all you damn people say."
Jesus. Two big bits of news out of the world:
1) Sam Adams, whose gay sex scandal is amusing to me if only for the attractiveness of his paramour (Beau Breedlove), is staying in office in Portland. Lovely. Well, wait. That is, until he may still get tried as a sexual assailant after Mr. Breedlove decided to talk to the press and explain semi-sexual advances before his 18th birthday. This is rather juicy and fun to watch, as Beau has named his dog... get this... Lolita. I wish I were in Portland right now to watch it all happen. More importantly, don't the names in this whole case just make you giggle with anticipation? Beau Breedlove and Sam Adams, and their lawyers Dick Trickle and Coors Light (and Sam's dog, Hef). Teehee. I'm so clever.I want a scandal that comes out about someone being gay that doesn't involve sex. I don't know, like "Anderson Cooper comes out after admitting to only buying Prada and being heard squealing 'Dolce and Gabbana are equitable to God!'" No? Not exciting enough for you?
2) Ted Haggard is a publicity whore. Can we just say that now? Of course his former
boyfriend from his church talks now... just as the music is starting to build for Haggard's movie. Coincidence? Doubtful. Oh how the mighty have fallen, and scratched and clawed to get back up. (Is it also funny that Haggard is now a door to door insurance salesman? Always selling something people don't need, eh, Teddy?)
I know, I know, I know. There was not some secretive panel of CityBeat staffers who got together one day and said "you know, that QueerCincinnati.com website is awfully nifty, why don't we throw a nom his way?" I'm fully aware.
What makes being nominated more special to me is that someone out there in cyberspace liked QueerCincinnati.com so much that they looked at the list and thought, "You know what's missing? Let's nominate." Enough so that two different people did it, as I've also now been nominated in the blog and the website categories.
That's amazing to me. I try to post to keep you guys entertained and interested. I know I do it a lot -- it's a great combination of factors that lets me do this, and, more importantly my 90-100wpm typing speed helps out a bunch, as does my tendency to just write what's in my head as it comes out. Very little editing. I'm sure you can tell. So I post a lot. Partially so people will check in a bunch, partially so I pop up on people's blogrolls a lot, but mostly so that I know there will be something for you to read. I know there are people that check me every day; for the most part, I believe them. Like the websites I like, I want to make sure there is something fresh there if you decide to check in twice today.
And, since I work thirds, I like to have something fresh for you in the morning.
So, thank you. I appreciate the people that nominated QueerCincinnati.com. Thank you for taking the moment and remembering me.
I've been asked whether I want people to vote in the Best Blog category for me (much better and more widely known people as my competition) or Best Local Website category (many more competitors, but fewer well known ones... and I would be one of the few blogs on the list). I don't care. Please do vote for me (and tell me that you did!), but, I think, I'm just so happy that you remembered ... and that so many people have all ready voted for me, honestly believing that the vote was a good one ... well, that's kinda nice. Although it would be nice to be able to put the graphic up on the side bar... "Best of the City, 2009."
I've always been skeptical of people who say "It's just an honor to be nominated." You know what's funny? It kind of is.
It's also nice because it means, between Cameron and I and a few others, that the only thing you can vote on when it comes to gay stuff is not just the bars. Kind of refreshing, yea?
- Prominent and longtime HIV/AIDS activist Martin Delaney has died. Founder of Project Inform and author of Strategies for Survival,this man was old school, to the point of smuggling the untested HIV drug, Rimavirin, from Mexico when the FDA was held up and was not prioritizing the disease. I mean, that's some old school AIDS activism. Well done, sir. There's a special place for you, I'm sure.
- Welcome back to the 21st century, South Africa. Their new health minister, Barbara Hogan, has incredible goals set for that country after years of Mbeki nearly destroying years of advancement by appointing a woman who essentially believed in withcraft as a way of curing HIV.
- The only thing that Bush will be remembered positively for is his work in African HIV/AIDS. This is what we call the creation of mythology and the beginning of a legacy. No one will remember the abstinence only education rules, though, or continuing the anti-syringe exchange policies that he let go on through his tenure.
- Meanwhile, President Obama is pushing for better and more comprehensive family planning and education. He will continue to be called the devil.
- The Gates Foundation is expanding its focus to include polio, which is excellent. The World Health Organization will be quite happy. After all, their last success was smallpox, and their efforts are middling when it comes to HIV/AIDS.
- Fascinating new efforts to prevent HIV/AIDS in young women of color -- apparently they are trying out cell phone based videos as a way of getting the message out about unsafe sex and STD's. I'm optimistic, but I always question these sort of methods. There are 100 things that halt its success (like, how many young women of color download videos onto their cell phone). The acting tends to be lousy in this sort of thing, too. But, it's always good to see things tried... more importantly, it's good to see someone connecting sex and safety on a popular art form -- television shows.
- And our DUH story for the day: Botswana is telling men to cut down on their sexual partners. Apparently, they are just now figuring out there that larger numbers of sex partners increase risk for all sorts of little nasties. That's a big old, welcome to the 21st century to you, Botswana.
Ahhh... now doesn't that feel better? Don't you feel a little more informed? :-) Aren't you glad you never asked? And, more importantly, aren't you glad to see more and more of the world entering modern times?
I went ahead and posted my response to February's question on Rainbow Cincinnati, since I haven't blogged over there in a while. This is, as always, your preview:
It's so easy to trash something. It's so much easier to be a critic than a cheerleader, yea? Our very nature as gay men makes us prone to catty bitchiness and cold hearted back stabbing. We are gold medalists in the fine sport of destroying everything and everyone around us. It's what we do best. And I'm no exception.Make sure you check out all the other excellent content over yonder -- including Darren McCullough's fantastic blog (who also needs to be contacted... good reminder, thanks Barry).
In that vein, I love Northside. I tried to rewrite this blog about 100 times, each time criticizing and generally being myself. It appears, though, that it's not always as easy to complain as it is to speak well of something.
I'm not from Cincinnati. If you ask me what high school I went to, I say "Wando." I have, on more than one occasion, heard the response, "What, is that like in Indiana, or something?" I find it funny that 99% of this city, especially this queer city, can't imagine that there is a world outside of the greater Cincinnati metro. It plays a little into the mindset, I think, of us hating so easily on institutions like the great and mythical gay neighborhood of Northside.
(click here for the rest)
Also, if I do this right, you'll see a list of other bloggers who have responded to February's Blog Carnival on the right side of this blog.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
...wouldn't it neat to do, like, a monthly Queer Bloggers Carnival?
A carnival is not a meet-up (or a tweet-up), it's the opportunity for several bloggers to write their reactions to a single topic. I'm putting a call to my dear Queer Bloggers out there -- Juliet and Juliette, Jere, Edro Edro, Jay @ BigLugLand, the SkeptikOne, etc. etc. etc. -- I think Back2Stonewall even gave us our first topic, we'll call it "for February." That is, the next one will come up at the end of February:
Why Northside? Is Northside our "gay ghetto?"
I'll post mine tonight. No rules, just let us know that you posted so that we can all play nice.
And it has a great set of initials -- "oh yea, I'm doing the QBC, man." It's like a shopping network, but gayer.
I also totally noticed that this is my 113th post for the month of January. I swear it doesn't feel like it... I remember hitting the 100 mark in October of last year and thinking, "goddamn that was a lot." This feels... normal. Like I actually wasn't blogging as much. I'm sure my readers disagree, because all of you nice people get to backread. So, thanks for sticking around. I do appreciate it. I've been told that the best way to attract traffic is to post quality work at a high quantity. And, considering most of my posts are getting commented on -- rather than the random one or two comments amidst 100s of blogs... thanks guys :-). I appreciate your engagement.
Remember, if you life it, you shoulda put a ring on it. (Get it... engagement, ring... ha! Oh, Beyonce.)
God doesn't make junk.
When I posted this on Twitter, I got two responses:
From @GCRMMediaClub: "God certainly does make a lot of junk: horrifically deformed babies, junk DNA, junk rituals and dogma, junk biblical texts"
From @nth_degree: "there is a phallic joke in there somewhere"
And from the indomitable @Dr_Jared (who is usually more loquacious than this): "what?"
Any other thoughts (keeping in mind this is a personal mantra now and it's the only thing holding up my fragile self-esteem :-)).
While I'm cooking (I know -- gasp, it happens occasionally -- how long do you cook chicken for, btw?), I thought I might write up, at least, the LGBT nominees on CityBeat's "Best of the Cincinnati 2009" competition (this link is correct... the one originally posted did not work).
So here is your official homosexual voting guide:
Overall Restaurant: There are three that I'll suggest. Palomino's because of the tres gay staff they tend to have; Honey because they are auspiciously located across the street from BronZ and Bullfishes, and I always see lesbians in there on dates; Melt because it's in Northside... and that's about it :-). My recommendation: Palomino's.
First Date Restaurant: Honey, hands down. Though I have never been on a date there, I see people in there on their first dates all the time. And then they wander over to BronZ where they proceed to destroy any chance of a relationship by getting drunk and going home together. Cheers to all of you for providing me with entertainment.
Restaurant with a view: Palomino's (see above).
Restaurant with live music: Blue Rock Tavern. Again, a Northside choice. But, more importantly, they are really gay friendly. When we were promoting the November 15th protest, Blue Rock Tavern's crowd was more friendly that the gay bars we went into.
Breakfast: Anchor Grill. Located down the street from Yadda Club, and one of the few greasy spoons open 24 hours, it turns into a gay bar once the bars close. Their goetta is awesome.
(Meal update -- the olive oil-garlic-rosemary chicken concoction I'm coming up with is smelling fabulous. Still waiting to start the au gratin potatoes; they're in a box, shut up.)
Chili (Non-Chain): Camp Washington Chili, hands down. Why is it gay? Because Pizza Delivery "boy" Joe loves it. Anything he does makes it immediately gayer.
Coffeehouse: Sitwell's, where IMPACT Cincinnati meets and local personality, Locke, works. Too bad their service sucks most days... too few people working there, too many people not ordering anything. I would have said Kaldi's because they have always treated us well and the crowd is always awesome, as is the staff, but they closed.
Waitstaff: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I don't know most of the restaurants, and the ones I do know don't deserve to be on this list. Go with Anchor Grill.
Wine Selection: Should I know this? HA!
Local Activist: Cameron Tolle. Do you need me to say anymore??? I mean, really, the kids amazing. And he's single, ladies.
Elected Official: Mayor Mark Mallory, for reasons we all know but no one talks about.
Scandal: Can I just say that someone adding Marcus Fiesel on this was sick? And wasn't that two years ago?
(Meal update: the chicken is officially unfrozen. Was I supposed to do that first? Oh, and I think I should have buttered the pan.)
Radio Station: WAIF -- Alternating Currents, the gay and lesbian public affairs radio show has been broadcasting out of their Walnut Hills location for years. Thank you, Cheryl Eagleson, for keeping it going.
Radio Personality: Jeff & Jen ... for their drag performance. I still watch that video and laugh.
TV Station: WCPO or WKRC. For their amazing coverage of the November 15th protest.
(Meal update -- looking juicy! Should I start the potatoes now?)
Website: I swear I didn't do this -- I GOT NOMINATED!!! Vote for Queer Cincinnati ... duh. I'll do a separate post.
Blog: I'm not officially endorsing any of them, as most of them are really good friends of this blog. I mean, amazing friends. Wine Me, Dine Me and Cincinnati blog were hugely supportive of the November 15th protest; Locavore is amazing, is a White Knot site, and the oldest friend of this blog; I'm not linked on 5chw4r7z, but he's a good guy. I may "endorse" Montgomery Maxton but only because he's the only openly gay blogger on the list, but everyone on there is amazing.
Ha. Sports. Yea, right. I'll let Edro Edro handle that one Oh... but...
Team (Amateur): Cincinnati Rollergirls. Hardcore women fighting to the bruise in a Mad Max-esque game? Yea. I think we'll go with that. And I've known some of the players... a few helped out with the Citizens to Restore Fairness campaign in 2006.
Goods and Services
(Meal update. The inside of the chicken is no longer pink!!! Is this actually happening.. an edible, delicious meal at QC's house? No way.)
Place to Buy Lingerie: Somehow, the Pink Pyramid is on the list... that's not lingerie, guys.
Liquor Store: Where else? Jungle Jim's. It's not gay, but I gotta shout out to it.
Place to Buy Sex Toys: I should be saying Pink Pyramid, but I'm going with Elyse's because she's a fabulous woman who took on Simon Leis and won, and runs her little empire from behind an antique desk. Which describes most of the porn in the store... antigue.
Out and About
Arts Organization: Know Theatre, because they are a member of the Coalition and actively outreach to LGBT groups, people, and causes. (Even though New Stage Collective -- not nominated -- does more gay themed plays.)
(Meal update: Yup, I need cooking classes.)
New Bar/Nightclub: Please don't vote for Black Finn. I have been to gay bars, bathhouses, and sex parties. None of the above have ever asked me to remove as much clothing as Black Finn did the first night I went in there. Their crowd is also tres homophobic.
Comedy Club: Funny Bone... they host(ed) the annual comedy fundraiser for Pride for years.
Comedian/Troupe: Barnyard Burlesque, though I wouldn't call them comedy, has some local queer personalities in it. And they're getting really good.
Dance Club: Seriously? Adonis. I love the Dock, but their music leaves something to be desired. And there's very little space. Um.... sorry. I definitely have started growing up when Below Zero and Adonis are my "preferred" locales.
Furniture Store: IKEA. Queens love their Swedish furniture.
Gay/Lesbian Bar: How about we tackle this separately? Seriously. Otherwise I'll get hit in a driveby.
Happy Hour: Why is the longest happy hour in town -- Subway -- not on this list? Oh right, because it's kinda lame. LOL Go with Palomino's
Home Accessories Store: Metronation, owned and operated by the indomitable George. They are amazing, and have some nifty things in there.
Martini: Below Zero. It's actually the only place I've ever had a martini. I hear Twist's are good too.
Singles Bar: BronZ. I will give it that. If you're single, you can find a boyfriend, a date, a quickie, or an STD there. God knows I have all of the above.
Karaoke: Boswell Alley. Wade is amazing, and Whitney (owner's partner/bar manager) will treat you like a queen, even if you aren't. More importantly, it's the most engaged karaoke night I've ever seen. I've never seen the crowd so into it. It was disturbing.
Live Theatre: New Stage Collective. Have you been? Hello, the staff is FABULOUS. And they are doing shows like Bent and have done already this year History Boys. Very gay. HA!
Place to Play Darts: Crazy Fox makes another appearance, but, again, I've never been.
(Meal Update: Voila! Edible food! Is it any good?)
Apartment Complex: The Forum. I'm not joking. It seems like that's the place to be for young somewhat queers and families on welfare.
Church: There are two -- the New Spirit MCC because it's an amazing church (and it's a queer denomination), but I've long since lost contact with them. Mt. Auburn Presbyterian, for it's extraordinary openness and hosting like every gay group in the city -- from CYG to Queen City AA.
College/University: You'd think Miami would be a shoe-in, wouldn't you, coming from me? Maybe. In fact, I'll say yes. Xavier is a close second because of their support of the November 15th protest, and their non-action on Cameron being out there and a Xavier junior on all of our material. LOL. UC, btw, has had some secret and quiet issues with LGBT people, but I've been asked to not say anything about it. I know, I'm respecting their decision.
Festival: Gay Pride is not on the list. Hrm. Squealin With Pride, sure. Meanwhile, Northside's 4th of July Parade is, which is a fun and excellent adventure for anyone ... and may be more exciting and better attended than Pride, anyways.
Neighborhood: OTR. It's the new gay district, actually. We move in, we make it fabulous, then we move on. We tried with Northside to little success :-).
Park: Burnet Woods. HA. You know I couldn't resist.
Place to take a visitor: Seriously, "Touchdown Jesus on 75" was nominated. Vote for it. I want to see it get award as the Touchdown Jesus.
(Meal update: Oh my god, the food is GOOD!!)
Romantic Hideaway: "My House." I think it should win out of creativity. But I wouldn't call it exactly romantic here. Unless the smell of kitty litter turns you on...
Use of Public Funds: I don't think it's fair to put the streetcar on there. It isn't even approved yet. How about the Banks?
That took a long time, but I was cooking and eating too. And now I have a mess:
But it's not that bad.
Seriously, though, folks, now that I just handed you a list, you have to go vote. I will seriously be upset if you don't. If you have other ideas or want to correct my information, call me an alcoholic jerk, etc. just write below in the comments section. If I missed something, tell me.
Oh, and vote for me. . . or, else, you're off my non-denominational holiday card list.
I'm not good with feelings. I think that should be clear to most people in the world, so it's hard for me to express situations and emotions, especially when I don't know how I feel either.
Doug F. passed away this morning. I know this doesn't mean much to a lot of people who read my blog, but there's value in understanding and processing and just writing it out.
I didn't know Doug as well as I knew his partner, Jeff. Jeffery and I were close... girlfriends, really, though I always feel, as I do with most people I meet in my life, that I could be closer to him than I am. I could always be closer to people, we all could, I suppose, be closer. Geographically, emotionally... whatever. We could always mean more to other people, and people could always mean more to us. But that's beside the point because we rarely, if ever, really think that it's necessary at that moment to be closer to someone. There's always tomorrow.
There's always another drink. There's always another night out. There's always another time to move closer.
So I could be closer to Jeffery. And, of course, the corollary is that I could have been closer to Doug. It struck me as strange, when I was talking to friends, that I didn't even know Doug's last name. To us, he was always "Douggie F," or just "Jeffery's partner, Doug." In fact, I didn't know nearly as much about Douggie F as I could have. When I would see him -- which was rarer than I saw Jeff -- I would hug him, give him a kiss, call him darling, and feel genuinely blessed to have been in his presence. I did, I swear, feel blessed.
But Jeffery was always there, and I loved Doug because I love Jeffery. And I knew that they loved each other.
In my life, where the concept of love and being in love with someone is far and distant, theirs was a life and a situation that I appreciated. Jeff and I would get drunk together, check out boys, be crazy bitches, have a great time... and I knew that Jeff would go home to the love of his life.
And that meant something, to me.
I didn't know Douggie F as well I should have, but I'm not upset about that. Because I knew him enough to know that he was special, and that he was this amazing person that my good friend loved.
In a world of Facebook and Twitter and blogs and texting, when online drunken conversations often are mistaken for real human interactions, and when making out with a boy at a bar is equitable to a relationship, that kind of emotional proximity is enough to miss him. Knowing that Jeff is hurting, knowing how much they meant to each other, knowing the days Jeff spent in the hospital and waiting and watching and hoping, and knowing that Doug mattered to someone is enough for me to feel the loss and to genuinely be upset about it.
Jeff doesn't know this, but I had a spy on his floor who updated me on Doug's status occasionally. I was too busy, I told him and myself, to go up and visit. I was too busy and there were other things I needed to do, but I'm not blaming myself and I'm not upset about the fact that I didn't go see him because I knew about Doug much the same way I did throughout our relationship... through other people. And, besides, Jeff's always positive demeanor made me believe that there would be another drink, another night out, another time to hug Doug, kiss his cheek and call him darling, and to feel blessed that he was there, again.
Except that won't happen this time, and that's hard for me to process.
Now, as the funeral arrangements are being made and Jeff is putting up with family (at church this morning, "those Baptists," he said with guffaw, making a light joke much as I would expect Jeff to do), I'm learning about Doug. I know his last name now. And, though I never visited their house despite multiple invitations, I know where they live now. I looked it up on Google Maps.
And so even now, I'm interacting with his passing much the same way I interacted with his living.
I don't wish for more, and I'm not crying that I didn't get to know him better. Life is what it is, and our interactions happen whether for good or for bad and to place some sort of judgment or qualification on the relative goodness or badness of our time together undermines his life and produces nothing more than vain emotions and botched memories. Doug knew that I loved him because he was my girlfriend's partner. He knew that he was important to me because he was important to Jeff. Even though I didn't know his last name, I knew enough about him to know that this person is special and he matters.
In an age of Facebook and Twitter and texting and where a drunken online conversation is often mistaken for real human interaction... it was enough to know there is love, and there is hope, and there was him.
Doug, we rarely talked, and we didn't know each other, but I wanted to say goodbye in the best way I know how, in the only way I know how, and let you know that you mattered to me. Thank you for the time you spent here, thank you for the love you gave, thank you for having blessed me and us with the time you had.
I will miss you.
And don't worry, we'll take care of Jeff, in the best way we know how.... I'll buy him a drink and toast your life. It's the best thing I know to do.