PERSONAL: Body Image and Engendered Bodies

So there are two of me... there is me and "Mama Kristy."

Last night, I spent the evening at, essentially, a college party in Oxford and, drunkenly, discovered that what Kristy says is unacceptable by me. From Mama Kristy, it's fabulous and fun... from me, it's creepy and lecherous. I swear that is not hte intent.

Interestingly enough, it creates an interesting sort of dichotomy of gender stereotypes within the gay community. AS a full figured and fabulous woman, it is acceptable for me to be a little gross and flirtatious and make boys play games... it is desexualized. However, when people acknowledge that I am a male and have to see me as male, it becomes sexualized and it becomes less fun and more ... well, the word used last night was "creepy."

The interesting jusxtaposition of situations is that I am a 210lbs (that 25lbs lost in 6 months baby!), hairy, "cub" (mini-bear). I've accepted that as the image people have of me... more importantly, I apparently seem older than I am. At 24, people guess me to be somewhere in the range of 32-37. So, on top of being that atypical body type, I now come off as an old, fat, hairy, lecherous man.

I wonder, on the flip side, how much of this would appear creepy were I 50lbs lighter, less hairy, and looked a little more my age.

I have a theory, based on all my evidence, that the only people who are creepy are those that we don't want to be sexualized... old people, ugly people, etc. The young and the beautiful cannot be creepy or lecherous; they are "free."

My prime example: a dear friend of mine has interest in being in porn. People laugh when I suggest that I want to be in porn -- "of course you do;" on the flip side, when he suggests it, people say that he is "open" and "inspiring because he just loves his body and loves sex and accepts it."

Uhhuh.

Change yourself or change the world, I suppose.