God, I posted this on the old blog and boy does it ring true every weekend...
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Ok, so I have like 300 other things that are far more important than this, but I've recently discovered I'm a drunk texter... and I drunk text a LOT. So, um. Right... any additions??? LOL (stolen from Dan "so Delicious"). And I always always remind you: phone calls and text messages after midnight NEVER end up well. (AND PS -- sorry to all those I drunken text messaged last night. I deleted half way through the night due to storage issues, but I think this included Joey, Rob, Topher, my parents, Nonta, and many many many others...)
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The Rules of Drunk Dialing
The Rules of Drunk Dialing - yes it's a repeat but it is good knowledge to keep in mind!!!
1. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.
2. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex."Mom I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you"
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 A.M. asking to bend them over something?
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends laugh at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright... if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. You can also call this same ex and let him/her know, that you know, that he/she still loves you. Then say to him/her, "I would still love me too"!
9. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
10. It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail.
11. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed... never angry.
12. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".
13. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
14. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
15. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.
16. Drunk dialing to a foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you really feel like if you don't call this person you'll just die, break rule 15 and use a friend's phone.
17. Drunk dialing may lead to drunken sex. Be prepared.
18. When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 A.M. usually doesn't involve cards... it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs, so be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when you are drunk... "You want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"
19. Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when you are far too drunk to be using electronics and you won't be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
20. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers!
Additions from my friend:
1. Drunk dialing while angry: I am a repeat offender when it comes to this one. The angry drunk dialer is NEVER well-received. Suggestion if you absolutely cannot control yourself from making this phone call due to excessive whiskey shots and anger management issues (me,me,me!), make sure the person you are calling is NOT someone you ever plan on speaking to again or seeing out in public. On the up side, you will say exactly what you are thinking and you will hit below the belt.
2. Drunk dialing your ex: I did this and woke up one morning with a fucking boyfriend. It didn't last...
3. Drunk dialing someone in another country: I have found that I speak Spanish WAY better when drunk. Drunk was the only way to go when calling my long lost love in Spain. I realized the next morning, however, that I am not sure I was really saying what I thought I was at the time. Stick to emails.
4. Retrieving deleted phone numbers: I am infamous for doing this. Even better, I will delete the number then miraculously remember the number after 10 beers...it is the only situation where alcohol actually IMPROVES memory. It only leads to bad things. Rember, you deleted that number for a reason.
5. Your friends take your phone away: Don't sneak around and steal the phone back. There's a reason the phone is not in your possession. It will only bring morning after remorse.
