Is there such a thing as a gay non-sex scandal?

Jesus. Two big bits of news out of the world:

1) Sam Adams, whose gay sex scandal is amusing to me if only for the attractiveness of his paramour (Beau Breedlove), is staying in office in Portland. Lovely. Well, wait. That is, until he may still get tried as a sexual assailant after Mr. Breedlove decided to talk to the press and explain semi-sexual advances before his 18th birthday. This is rather juicy and fun to watch, as Beau has named his dog... get this... Lolita. I wish I were in Portland right now to watch it all happen. More importantly, don't the names in this whole case just make you giggle with anticipation? Beau Breedlove and Sam Adams, and their lawyers Dick Trickle and Coors Light (and Sam's dog, Hef). Teehee. I'm so clever.

2) Ted Haggard is a publicity whore. Can we just say that now? Of course his former
boyfriend from his church talks now... just as the music is starting to build for Haggard's movie. Coincidence? Doubtful. Oh how the mighty have fallen, and scratched and clawed to get back up. (Is it also funny that Haggard is now a door to door insurance salesman? Always selling something people don't need, eh, Teddy?)

I want a scandal that comes out about someone being gay that doesn't involve sex. I don't know, like "Anderson Cooper comes out after admitting to only buying Prada and being heard squealing 'Dolce and Gabbana are equitable to God!'" No? Not exciting enough for you?

GAY STUFF: Ted Haggard

This little bit comes out about Ted Haggard... ahem, coming out of the "spiritual restoration" process that they document as being "incomplete." I know, Ted, I wouldn't be able to give meth-fueled gay escort visits, either, if I had them.
I do like JoeMyGod's word that he used about this -- "straightification." I think it will be a new label for my blogs.

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Brady Boyd
Senior Pastor
New Life Church
Colorado Springs, CO

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Ted Haggard's leadership of New Life Church for many years was extraordinary and the depth of spiritual maturity that is found today in the church is in large part attributed to his leadership as the founding senior pastor.

In January 2007, Ted Haggard voluntarily agreed to enter a process of spiritual restoration. He has selected Phoenix First Assembly and Pastor Tommy Barnett as his local church fellowship and is maintaining an accountability relationship there. He has recently requested to end his official relationship with the New Life Church Restoration Team and this has been accepted by them.

New Life Church recognizes the process of restoring Ted Haggard is incomplete and maintains its original stance that he should not return to vocational ministry. However, we wish him and his family only success in the future.

Because spiritual restoration is a necessarily confidential process, the church does not anticipate that it, or its Overseers or Restorers will make further comment about it.

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(via the www.joemygod.blogspot.com -- Joe. My. God. -- blog)