HIV/AIDS Updates

Nothing truly ground breaking this morning, but a couple of neat little snippets you might be interested in:

• Chimps are getting sick from a disease that looks suspiciously like AIDS. The theory has long stood that HIV is a mutated version of the far more pacific chimp disease, SIV, though there has been no actual connection ever made. Our closest evolutionary cousins are starting to get sick and dying off, offering both a threat and a hope. On the one hand, chimpanzees are endangered and a radically virulent new illness further threatens their precarious existence; on the other hand, scientists can study why the monkeys do or don't get sick and may be able to apply it to humans. It's being called 'the missing link.'
• Circumcision in men has been finally proven to not be an effective prevention measure for female partners. But it may be protective for men who have sex with men. Meanwhile, people with HIV/AIDS are being encouraged to take their meds to reduce transmission. Call me old school, how about this: wear a condom, get tested, get your partner tested. :-) (As a side note: I will comment that I am of the belief that without extraordinary intervention, especially in the developed world, we may have reached the lowest possible infection rate. And by "extraordinary intervention," I'm talking cure or vaccine or microbicide.)
• Women progress to AIDS faster than men, even with the same level of virus in their body. Did you know that? Actually, I didn't either. Rather than quote the article from Science Daily based on a paper coming out this week (which uses sentences like: "Earlier studies indicated that pDCs recognize HIV-1 using a receptor called Toll-like receptor 7 (TLR7), leading to production of interferon-alpha and other important immune system molecules." which I barely understood), I'll sum it up this way: it appears that, again, a woman's hormones fuck them yet again. That was kind of insensitive of me.
• In perhaps the most interesting ethical HIV questions to come out in a long time, the porn actress who was diagnosed with the disease is suing over the privacy of her medical records. Apparently, the state of California has subpoenaed her health care provider for information regarding her health status, and, most specifically, her identity. Can we call that "career ending?" Fuck Cal/OSHA.

Remember, make sure you are getting tested. For most people, every 6 months to a year is completely reasonable, but consult your HIV tester or health care provider for a more thorough assessment for your sexual risk and reduction methods. Contact STOP AIDS at 513-421-2437 to schedule a free, 20-minute oral HIV test. And pick up some condoms while you're there.

Equality Ohio Fundraiser

Equality Ohio hosted a little fundraiser at Below Zero this evening, and I had the distinct pleasure of hanging with my dears Erin Upchurch (of Equality Ohio), Cameron Tolle (of Impact Cincinnati), and Rusty Lockett (of Church of our Savior and the Gay and Lesbian Community Center), all pictured above. I did the single most shocking thing you would ever expect from me ... that is, gasp, signed up to be an Equality Ohio member. (Yes, Lynne, it's true.) Thanks to Erin we have a mini update on the Equal Housing and Employment Act (EHEA -- HB176), which would prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression in Ohio.

The Ohio legislature is on recess right now, but we have received assurances that there will be a vote before this session ends. As it stands, we've not had a lot of leadership emerge in the Ohio Senate on the issue, so there is a lot of lobbying to do over there, too. Law in Ohio, though, seems to read that the House can pass a bill this session and then go to the Senate next session, so we don't have to start the process over again. Equality Ohio is asking people to continue to contact their State Representatives throughout the summer to keep the pressure on them until a vote comes up in late September or early October. For information on how to contact your local representative, go here.

Other events of note this weekend:

• COOL SUMMER Coktail Hour-- Brought to you by this blog, WineMeDineMeCincinnati.com, KatesRandomMusings.com, and CincinnatiWomenBloggers.com. It's a fundraiser tomorrow (July 17th) from 7pm-10pm at Below Zero Lounge. Promises to be a great time! (Facebook page)
• Big Hair Bingo -- "Honey, this isn't your grandma's bingo." Gay bingo comes to Cincinnati tomorrow night at 7:30pm at the Ensemble Theatre Company (1127 Vine Street), benefiting STOP AIDS and the theatre. (Facebook Page)

Hope to see you out this weekend folks!

National HIV Testing Day

Don't forget -- it's that time of the year. I'll repost my story tomorrow. Jo Anne over at TheSkeptikOne (ha! I got it right!) has a great run down of where and how to get tested or learn more this weekend. If you are confused, call this number:

513-421-AIDS

(513-421-2437)

It's STOP AIDS' phone number. They'll direct you on how/where/when to get tested.

HIV is still out there; a great way you can be protected, and a great way to protect your partner, is to get tested today. (And don't forget the rubbers, boys and girls -- if you call that number or stop by their office at 220 Findlay, you can get a shitton for free. We used to give out grocery bags full, sometimes.)

Today's HIV Test

National HIV Testing Day is coming up next month (June 27), so I'll reserve a full column on HIV testing for that day.

...but I accidentally got an HIV test this week.

I was overdue, I'll admit it. My last HIV test was last June at the last National HIV Testing Day; I used to test myself (or get tested) at least once every 3-6 months. I figured, I'm a sexually active gay men, mostly safe, especially with unknowns, that it's only responsible I know my status. When I worked at Planned Parenthood, I was tested for the other major STD's (chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc.) as well as a full genital exam for the untestables (herpes, warts, etc.) at about the same rate; once I left PP, those tests and exams dropped down to about once a year. Once I lost the ability to test myself at AVOC/STOP AIDS, my HIV testing has dropped down to about the same rate.

Arguably, I suppose, you could make the argument that I attempt to get a full genital exam every weekend. But that's another story.

So I went to my doctor to this week on a completely unrelated note and mentioned that it was about time for my test. "Well," he said, "we need to make sure we get that done." My doctor is wonderful and uses the royal "we" to indicate that we are of one mind on my healthcare. We're not, usually, but it's cute and I humor him.

I didn't think he was meaning "we" as in his office staff. They drew my blood and I thought: whoa, I haven't had to wait to get results in years.

It's freaky, I know. I definitely recommend finding a site that performs the 20-minute testing. I know, I know, there are some reports of false positives on the OraQuick rapid HIV-test, but those are rare and they do confirmation testing. For the sake of your own personal sanity, get a 20-minute test done. I work in the field of HIV, and I was nerve wracked to wait.

Today, I went back to get a vaccine booster for whooping cough -- yea, I know, I thought it was wiped out too, surprise! My mother was with me, and I casually asked the nurse, "Did my HIV results come back yet?" I expected a big ol' NO, but she gestured me back the hallway and I followed. My mother followed, unaware of where we were going.

The nurse pulls up my results on the screen -- NEGATIVE, for the curious -- and tells me as such. While I'm in the hallway. With my mother five feet behind me. With other patients around. And all I could think: what if I had been positive? What would she have done then, all those people around? And my mother... oh gesu...

Anyways, I got myself tested and I'm still negative. You should, too. Pride is coming. Call STOP AIDS -- 421-AIDS (2437) -- to schedule a free, 20-minute HIV test. I promise they handle the results a little better than my doctor's office did.

Shocking New HIV Transmission News

According to two recent studies, one out of the US and one in the Amsterdam, it seems that a majority (or a close plurality) of men who have sex with men (MSM) are contracting HIV from... their main sexual partner. Unlike the stereotype where MSM's (read: "gay" and "bisexual," but we're talking behavior here not identity politics) contract HIV from random partners met in bars, clubs, parties, or on the internet, it seems that monogamy is one of the driving forces behind HIV infection.

From the US paper:

Results: Sixty-eight percent [95% confidence interval (CI) 58–78) of HIV transmissions were from main sex partners because of a higher number of sex acts with main partners, more frequent receptive roles in anal sex with main partners, and lower condom use during anal sex with main partners. By sex type, 69% (95% CI 59–79) of infections were from receptive anal intercourse, 28% (95% CI 19–38) were from insertive anal intercourse, and 2% (95% CI 0–5) were from oral sex. The model-based estimated HIV incidence rate was 2.2% (95% CI 1.7–2.7) per year. Sensitivity analyses demonstrated estimates of transmission from main sex partners as low as 52% (95% CI 41–62) and as high as 74% (95% CI 68–80).

Conclusion: According to our model, most HIV transmissions among MSM in five US cities are from main sex partners. HIV prevention efforts should take into account the risks of HIV transmissions in male partnerships, and couples-based HIV prevention interventions for MSM should be given high priority in the US HIV prevention research portfolio.

Though this will probably shock a lot of people, I think a lot of people who work in the field will not be surprised for the data.

Looking back at the people I have tested positive in my 5 years of HIV-testing, I have to say that the vast majority (probably 70% or more) had fewer than five sex partners in a year, with a mean around 2 or 3. I think there is a certain comfort level when you state that you are "monogamously oriented." Let's run down the thinking:

Person A meets Person B. Both have a series of long-term (defined as 6 months or longer) relationships in their history, possibly a handful of shorter relationships, and very few very short term (one night to one week) relationships. In total, we have two people whose lifetime number of sexual partners is less than 10, maybe 20 at the very outset. Compared to the stereotype of gay men, that is extremely low. If you add in the fact that perhaps one or both do not actively access the gay community and may not identify as "gay," you're talking about a smaller number and a decreased perception of risk.

So Person A and Person B enter into a relationship. Perhaps one (or both) have been recently tested, within the last 3 months, say. A few months in, they both feel comfortable with each other and they decide that because they perceive each other (and themselves) to be low risk that it would be OK to stop using a condom... or, perhaps, they were drunk or especially hot one night and just stopped.

But, let's say Person B became infected 3 months before the relationship began, or even as far as 9 months before the relationship began (HIV takes 3-6 months to show up on standard HIV-screening tests), perhaps with the last long-term relationship, or perhaps in a mistake one night with one of the other partners. But, because he was tested, he does not believe that he is still seroconverting and still an "invisible" positive. Person B becomes the insertive partner in intercourse, thus infecting Person A.

In no part of that scenario was a truly awful decision made; rather, I think it is an easy series of decisions to make in the context of a monogamous relationship. And, now, we have two HIV+ individuals who are unaware of their status. Then, they don't get tested because they are together. They break up a few months later, Person B, perhaps a year or more later, thinks about getting tested... and finds he is HIV+. He contacts Person A who got tested immediately after the relationship ended and found that he was as yet undetectable, and now Person A is in another relationship with Person C where a condom is not being used. Person A, maybe, is still within that 6 month window, tests again, receives a non-reactive/negative result (though he is actually infected) and the cycle goes on.

What's the proper course of action? Monogamy with a condom for six months or more, get tested together, and then have the condom discussion. Contact STOP AIDS (513-421-2437) to get your test done. It's only 20 minutes, and there's no blood.

It's worth your time.

Massive Community Calendar Update

An update is way overdo, so I'll try to cover as much as possible -- sorry if I leave someone out, just shoot me an email: queercincinnati@gmail.com


Julia Serano Lecture
April 22nd, 7pm at the University of Cincinnati
Serano, an Oakland-based writer, spoken word performer, trans-activist, and biologist, will be giving a talk at UC in Swift 500 on entitled "Transsexual and Trans Feminine Perspectives on Sexism." Serano published Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity in 2007. (TransOhio post.)



cincYPac and the Cast of MTV's "Take the Stage"
April 23rd, 6pm-8pm, Cadillac Ranch
cincYPac -- Cincinnati's Young Professional Political Action Committee -- is hosting a night where you can meet the cast of MTV's hit reality show, "Take the Stage," that is hosted right here in Cincinnati. Check out their Facebook event for more information -- the event costs $15 (and $5 for students).



Pride Night with the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra
April 24th, 8pm+
The CSO will be welcoming the LGBT community for the 6th year in a row to a fabulous evening of music, followed by a cocktail party at Corbett Tower. Tickets are $40, includes both events. Check out the CSO website for information on the promo code and how to order your ticket.



PrideLove Sexy Singles Party
April 24th, 8pm-11pm, Below Zero Lounge
The wonderful ladies and gentlemen of PrideLove invite you to a hot little singles party at Below Zero lounge, hosted by darling Penny Tration, including a Sexy Singles Auction. (Formerly featured on QueerCincinnati.com.)



CAC's Contempory Fridays: SPIN
April 24th, 9pm-1am, Contemporary Arts Center
The CAC continues its highly successful parties with "The Price is Light," along with Northside Nick and Chris Collins. The one I went to -- months ago, now -- was actually a lot of fun. Check out their Facebook event.



First Friday with HRC
May 1st, 8pm, Golden Lion's Lounge
HRC's second First Friday cocktail hour will be held at the Golden Lion's Lounge in Clifton -- per the Facebook invite, you can be sure to check out their event (and you actually can, considering the times -- well done, HRC) before you head off to...



Cincinnati Guerilla Queer Bar -- Month 3
May 1st -- TBA
Even I don't know where it's going to be, guys, but I've been told to make sure that everyone saves the date!



Lucky Ladies Speeddate
May 3rd, 3pm-6pm, Yadda Club (Covington)
Check PrideLove's flyer for the upcoming event for all of our fabulous single ladies out there.



stop) aids Guest Bartending Night
May 3rd, 6pm-10pm, Below Zero Lounge
I will feature this more later because I think it's going to be an awesome night. But, the education team of STOP AIDS (all of them true hotties) will be behind the bar, and every dollar you give goes to stopping AIDS right here in Cincinnati. (Facebook event)



Judy Shepard Speaks
May 5, 7pm, Great Hall of the Tangeman Center on UC's Campus
After her last speech was cancelled due to illness, Judy Shepard comes to speak at the University of Cincinnati. She's worth watching, folks; I would go.



Ethan Philbrick's Cello Recital
May 9, 8pm, St. John's Unitarian Church
Check out his Facebook event. (Ethan is both a fellow blogger and the organizer of CGQB -- and then he got cutie-patootie Jeff of centsinnati to sweettalk me into posting it, so another fellow blogger -- so I'm posting this "personal event" based on their status as bloggers. But Ethan's an amazing cellist and worth checking out, I think.)



Making Beautiful MUSIC Together
May 9th, 7pm-10pm, the DOCK Complex
The ISQCCBE and the Cincinnati Men's Chorus will be hosting a special charity event at the DOCK to support local charities... and each other. Check out their Facebook event.



Queen City, Music City
May 30th at 8:07pm, May 31st at 3:07pm, National Underground Railroad Museum
The next Cicninnati Men's Chorus show will focus on music straight out Nashville -- including tunes with hints of country, gospel, jazz, and bluegrass. The 30th and 31st will be their Pride shows, with a special musical nod to the LGBT movers and shakers in music. Check out their website for more information.



Miami U. LGBT Alumni Reunion
June 18-21, Oxford, Ohio
As part of the bicentennial celebration, 1809 LGBT Alumni are calling all alums to come and support the association, as well as join them in special events like a reception with Pres. Hodge and a special viewing of Freeheld (2008 Academy Award short documentary winner, produced by MU alums).

Equinox Cincinnati
July 3-5
Hold on to your horses, girls, the next big event in the gay social calendar in Cincinnati may be upon us -- meet Equinox Cincinnati (and their Facebook event). I don't have much more information from the organizers yet, but I've been promised the exclusive ASAP. George (of Metronation and of the Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce) is hot on this one, guys, and says he already has busses filling up from people out of state to come party in the 'Nati. I have a feeling this will be huge. Save the date. (And you are reading that right -- this event is cosponsored by Fountain Square.)


Ohio Lesbian Festival
September 19th and 20th, Columbus-ish
Womyn-only event featuring music, art, and community. Check out their website for more information.



GAY PRIDE DATES FOR THE REGION!!!!!
I'm just going to do a list because there are so many to list off:

• June 6th-14th: Indianapolis, "Circle City, IN Pride"
• June 13th and 14th: Cincinnati, "Squealing with Pride"
• June 19th and 20th: Columbus, "Freedom 2009"
• June 19th and 20th: Louisville, "Kentuckiana Pride Festival"
• June 20th: Cleveland, "Equality through Unity"
• June 23rd-28th: Chicago
• Saturday, June 27th: Lexington, "Stonewall Lives"

You know, looking at Columbus's and Cleveland's themes... aren't you kinda glad we have something at least interesting? Seriously.

Seriously, what did I miss? I know I did. Again, email me if you have anything for the list.

STOP AIDS GALA

WAS AWESOME!

I freaking love the opportunity to listening to Diva's belting out broadway classics. It was amazing and wonderful and heartening. I got to go and sit at the front table with the PNC Bank folks. It was great fun. Unfortunately, my camera ran out of batteries after the picture above was taken :-(. But there should be pictures of the event up on STOP AIDS website soon.

Oh, and maybe I'm late on this one, but this P. Ann Everson-Price lady... FABULOUS. I might start listening to the WIZ just to hear her...

Oh, and as for the rest of the night, I'm never going back to BlackFinn. I've been to a lot of gay bars in my life, this was the first straight bar I've ever been to that asked me to remove clothing.. hat, sunglasses, etc. 

Silliness. 

And the drinks were weak.

And I got threatened for fixing a guy's collar.

And a straight male friend of mine pushed me off... and I seriously just went up to hug him.

And the music sucked.

And the obsession with women at straight bars is annoying. I, too, would like a free shot. 

*sigh* I am unacceptable in the company of straight people. 

HEALTH: Genomics lecture

I went to this Genomics lecture this evening at school that was being offered by Dr. Amoils of the Alliance Institute for Integrative Medicine, a member of the Bravewell Collaborative, on genomics and holistic health.

Their point, I think, was to teach us up-and-coming nurses about the new fields that are developing in health. Dr. Amoils made some excellent point -- in that most of healthcare is based on fixing a problem rather than prevention. I agree with that 100%, and I think that his aims are genuine. I believe that he is an intelligent man who genuinely believes in what he says.

However, the "quack radar" went off a couple of times. A couple of my problems that rang in my head:

1) He said that western medicine is best for acute issues, and lacks real depth in problems that last for 2-3 months or more. I call bullshit. HPV, HIV, and cancer are all long-term issues and we seem to have made great strides in helping out. (To his defense, pain management is something we still lack in, but how much of it is real and how much of it is addiction issue, actually?) For most chronic conditions, Western medicine does offer help, but it's up to the patient to follow up properly, though the idea of "patient responsibility" is pariah in health care these days.

2) He claimed that it's really difficult to study his methods because they include "whole person" approaches which does not fit into the randomized, double blind studies that dominate medical science these days. So, the point here is that you can't isolate the benefit of anything he's offering. Oh, right.

3) It's really expensive, and only partially coverable by insurance.

4) Though there is proof that herbs, processes like acupunture, and other approaches off help, I have to wonder one thing (and one thing he did not answer when I asked): why is there not more scientific evidence or study; and, if there is, why isn't it published all over the media? I always wonder about situations where people "pharmaceutical conspiracy." It doesn't ring right.

5) Agreed, we should have a whole-person approach to medicine and health and wellness. However, why did it take 50 minutes for him to mention the key role exercise plays into this equation? The "Meditteranean diet" (which he pushes big time) may be beneficial, but I'll bet you it will do nothing compared to people getting off their asses on a regular bases. And, btw, Dr. Amoils, five minutes six times a day does not equal 30 minutes once a day. It is more helpful than nothing, but it is not enough.

6) Anytime you talk about weight loss for another condition as a result of treatment, I hear dinging. You know why? Because when someone says "this helped people lose weight!" I immediately buy in and think "oh yea? hrmm..." I'm sure most of diet-crazed America is on my side for this one.

7) Fetishizing 5000 year old treatments, or European styles, will not pass here. One, we're not Europe. Two, the average life space 5000 years ago was, what, maybe 30 years old? I think age is against you on this one.

8) There was also quite a bit on genetic marking and testing ... which, and I'm not educated that much, sounded really convincing, but he blanched over the science so much that I'm still not sure I get it, nor do I think I understand what he was talking about when he said "x pt was double-plus for breast cancer." It rang bad.

I did approve of his "matrix" focus -- how one piece of health affects the rest. More attention should be paid there... especially mental and social health. So, in that, he's completely right.

The rest of it is a little "uhhhh..." to me.

So this was a blog I posted years ago on the AVOC Myspace about the same subject...

And don't forget to check out one of my favorite websites -- Quackwatch which offer the following articles on genomics and related issues: 1, 2, and 3.

---------

Ok, so this issue is one of my (again, Barry, one of the educators) personal pet peeves: health fraud. We live in an age of instant fixes and instant gratification. Guess what? When it comes to your health there is nothing you can do but take it slowly. (I lost 70lbs, trust me, slow is better although painful and annoying)

Why does this matter when it comes to HIV/AIDS and/or sexual health? Well, people tend to see things in this light and don't recognize that reported cures and reported "ways to help" or "ways to protect" do not work. Period. So, I thought we'd do a little edu-ma-cation and see how to easily spot a health fraud (this is all adapted from a pamphlet published by the FDA).

Easy Ways to Spot a Health Fraud

This Product Helps Everything
Diseases have different causes and different effects no single anything will cure everything. A lot of these diseases do not have a cure, and the product may only help with treatment. Does any medication -- from tylenol to echinacea -- help everything? No. It may de-stress, it may boost immunity, but how can one thing solve everything? Hell, we can't even agree on a computer operating system.

Personal Testimony
This is merely hearsay, and offers no real evidence. We've all seen the late night diet/weight loss "miracles." Look closely. Do they look the same? Or, better yet, do you see the little statement that says "Results not typical?" DUH! Different things work for different people.

Quick Fixes
Theres no such thing especially for long-term, debilitating diseases like HIV or cancer. Always question the time frame. Remember, God created the world in seven days and were still debating how long that was. This is just false hope, and I hate to burst people's bubbles. We can't cure you.

Natural
Natural does not mean safe (poison ivy and poisonous mushrooms are natural). If something can work, then it will cause side effects in some people.

Time-tested (especially ancient remedies)
The world is different than it was in 200 BCE, and we are aware of many changes in strains of diseases. More importantly, the average lifespan until the 20th century the golden age of medical science was barely under 50 years old. It is now 76 in the United States. Do you really want to go back to the ages of cocaine-laced Coca-cola (bad example), snake oil, and leeches? Yes, of course, some of these do work, but you gonna risk it?

Breakthrough cure
If it is such a breakthrough, why is it in the back of a magazine and not on the front page of the New York Times?

Paranoid Accusations
Think about it realistically: can you believe that there are millions of people, all of whom are healthcare workers, out there looking to make millions off of sickness and death? Or is it really more reasonable to believe that people are genuinely interested in helping others? If you discovered something great that would cure millions, would you hide it and let people die, or would you go out, spread the word, and become an international hero?

Medical Jargon
If you dont know what it is, look it up and see how it relates to the issue youre investigating. Thermogenesis has little to do with weight loss, I understand.

Lack of Scientific Evidence
Look for more than one study and make sure it is independent. Dont assume that a study done by the company promoting a new treatment will be valid.
Remember: if its too good to be true, it probably is. And always, always research anything you are taking or planning to take. The doctors are there to help you and are not trying to harm you.

Last thing: there is more money in a cure than a treatment. Gonorrhea and chlamydia are curable, but there are still over 5 million new cases a year. Besides, if you cured HIV/AIDS, you wouldn't have to do a lick of work for the rest of your life... you'd be so busy being flown all over the world, treated to dinner, meeting important people, and being thanked for saving people's lives -- 40-50 million people to be exact. If you hid it in a vast conspiracy, then you'd have to work to hide it and keep on keeping on at the same damn job for the rest of your life. (Besides, honestly: a cure for AIDS? why hasn't there been a leak... you think Merck and Bristol-Meyers is killing off every person who might want to help people? doubtful).

Just use your common sense.

------

A great article on that Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You to Know About book.

PS Most of the se places sell a couple things as their cure: a more balanced diet, more/better nutrition, vitamins, and exercise.

So, yea...

HIV/AIDS: My story...

I wrote this a long time ago on the blog I wrong for the then AVOC (and you can see the original post over there at their myspace account ). I was back reading for another blog I'm working on this evening and I found this, and it always bears repeating...

-----

MyStory: Why I am where I am -- Barry's story

My brother introduced me to HIV. We were both in high school and he had donated blood at some student council event. I couldn't donate because I was having sex at that point, and really enjoying it (and the American Red Cross would not accept the blood of a man who has sex with men). I had been finding myself in places and situations my mother most definitely would not approve, and doing behaviors that I now identify as "high risk." No one had talked to me about condoms at that point.

But it was my brother, the senior, who said the letters H-I-V to me first. I suppose I know what they meant because I didn't ask, but this is the first memory I really have of understand.

So I remember my brother, standing in the kitchen and laughing at the letter that was sent to him from the American Red Cross: "I don't have HIV." My mother laughed with him. I shrugged it off. I didn't connect HIV with sex, drugs, or even gay people at that point.

Four years later, I was a sophomore in college. I was a closeted out gay man. Everyone knew, but I didn't know anyone and I had fallen into the trap of gay.com. I was using the web service as a means of finding some sort of connection with other gay men. My roommate was there all the time, so my furtive searches were few and far between, but they were there every moment that I was alone. And every time I found something -- because who could turn down a lonely, somewhat attractive, energeetic, eager-to-please 19 year old college student?

I'm not saying I was preyed upon, but I made myself the prey.

I met a guy. We'll call him Hugh. He must have been 38 and suffered from psoriasis of the skin, but he was somewhat attractive, owned his own house, was interested in dating me (imagine me, finally dating after not having anything I could call a boyfriend since I was sophomore in high school). I would have a boyfriend.

Of course! Of course! I would love to! Of course I would love to come over every day! Of course I'll ignore you comments that demean and degrade me! Of course I'll ignore that I am completely dependent upon you for my mobility! Of course! Of course! Of course!

I let him fuck me.

I had never had anal sex before. I was a 19 year old with 150-200 sexual partners, most of whom I couldn't remember and 99% of whom I didn't even know the first name of, and I had never been fucked. And he did. And I bled and I bled and I bled.

But no one had talked to me about HIV and I didn't know, but I knew I could get something... I think. Right? Something.

I remember the first time running to the bathroom and trying to wash it out. There was no condom; no one had ever talked to me about condoms. I tried to douche with soap and water; no one had ever talked to me about anal douching. I know I did a lot of crying that first time -- it did hurt -- but it went away. And it happened again. And again and again and again.

That was me, a 19 year old getting fucked for three months without a condom by a guy literally twice my age with psoriasis.

But it's ok, he says he likes me and wants to date me.

(All of this would come back years later, when I thought I was stronger when I accepted the constant comments on my size from a new boyfriend -- how wonderful my fat was, how much fatter I was than most, how much he loved my fat and could I have more -- and developed my own little case of anorexia. Things that go around...)

But we never dated, although I asked again and again. He just fucked me. Sometimes once a week, sometimes seven times a week. And each time, I think I bled. I remember blood, but it may simply be the stain on my memory and a fear that lingers with me.

Finally he said, ok, we can date, if that's what you want. Three months later, him promising to date me, and it's now what I want. But let's get tested first. I guess we missed a step in there.

It was my first time being tested and I was negative, but I remember being scared. I remember telling the cute blonde girl at student health services everything I was going through and everything I had gone through and letting it feel cathartic. And although I don't remember her responding to me, I remember identifying for the first time: I have a self-esteem problem.

Self-esteem is a funny thing because it's so masked in social work and that kind of feel-goodisms some people get into. I had a real self-esteem issue and I was following a 38-year old man with psoriasis around because he was the only one who I thought would love me.

I was negative. It was beautiful day, and the sun was shining. I remember feeling like it was ok, like the world was ok -- sure the lady said come back in six months to get tested again just in case, but I was negative.

This is the situation with a lot of people who get tested for the first time, save for one major difference:

He was positive.

He was positive.

He was positive.

And I cried because I remembered the cum and the sweat and the blood (oh god, the blood... and could you get it from tears or sweat because there was a lot of that too). I thought I was crying for him, but I wasn't.

He was postive, and he was 38.

And I was negative, and I was 19.

And I never saw him again because now he was concerned about me getting it.

Now he was, because I was negative and nineteen.

And he was positive.

OHIO/CINNKY: Walk to STOP AIDS

I've officially decided to walk this year!!!!

Click the image above to sponsor me as a walker!

Or, you can get started by going to the STOP AIDS homepage.

HIV/AIDS: Walk to STOP AIDS Page Up and Running

For the past few years, I have been involved in Cincinnati's Walk to STOP AIDS, hosted by and benefitting STOP AIDS (formerly AIDS Volunteers of Cincinnati).

For fundraising, the organization actually does one really amazing thing: use an online program called Kintera to have friends email friends to ask for donations. I have, in the past, raised over $2000 this way for the Walk. Last year, I raised a paltry $700 or so, mainly because I wasn't working there and wasn't able to spend every day on it.

This year, I plan to volunteer (probably), so my goal is not to raise money this time to sponsor me as a walker. Rather, I'm throwing all of my support behind one person: Kate Harrow, Operations Manager for STOP AIDS.

If you are reading this and are a former donator to me, I encourage you to click the link above and make a donation to her. She's fantastic and has been one of the leads in organizing this event for the past 2-3 years. Besides, Todd Rademaker, who has worked for the organization for over 10 years, has, for years, been the biggest single fundraiser and always has the bragging rights.

Since I'm not a challenge to him (I was a challenge one year), I want to help someone else be competitive.

And for those that would criticize me for making a challenge out of this, please remember that we are raising money for a good cause. The challenge has a positive effect. It's not like we're fighting over who cares the most about the issue. Rather, it's a good natured battle to increase the funds raised for invaluable HIV/AIDS services in the city. It's all friendly fire, baby.

That said, this is a cause I believe in dearly, and I really hope that every single one of you take the time and donate.

Kate, I pledge $25 now. I'll probably donate more as we go, but that's my initial promise to you.

PS If you do donate off this page, just give me the heads up ... or just make a note on her page that you heard about it through this site. Kthxbye. Much love.

HIV/AIDS: HIV Test

...was NEGATIVE. :-)

Blogged over at Rainbow Cincinnati. I'll give you a little preview. I've done my good gay duty for the day so I don't feel like blogging anymore.

The last year has been rough, and I would be lying if I said I hadn't fucked up a time or two.

But, for the most part (I continue to tell myself), I did ok. However, when someone is naked behind and in front of you, the lines begin to blur on exactly how safe you are being.

I have been truly concerned about the results of an HIV test exactly twice in my life.

The first time was my first test. Fresh into the world of gay.com, this chubby 19 year old found a boy that liked him. He was 38 (ish), I was 19. It made perfect sense when I wanted him to fuck me that we should do so without a condom. HIV happens to other people (A) and (B) he likes me and would look after my interests. All I remember is desperately trying to clean myself out and seeing blood.

Check out the rest here and don't forget to click on the image below to check on the rest of the excellent site.

HIV/AIDS: National HIV Testing Day -- June 27th, 2008

It's funny that it took lesbians (over at Juliet and Juliette) to remind me that tomorrow... 40 minutes from now... is National HIV Testing Day!!!

That's right, folks, it is the annual event organized by the National Association of People with AIDS (NAPWA -- main site, event site) where the CDC (information from the CDC -- there are a lot of really great videos on this site) and hundreds of local organizations are encouraging you to get tested for HIV, regardless of your risk. Hell, even if you are suburban housewife with only one sex partner in your life and no history of drug use, I'll bet you have one risk factor...

Unprotected sex.

It doesn't matter who it's with; if it's sex, it's still risky. A lot of people blow off risk as something other people have -- after all, I've been with my husband for years, and we only have sex with each other. Oh yea? When was your last HIV test? When was his last HIV test? Is this a monogamous relationship... are you sure? It's an awful truth of the world, but just because you are monogamous does not mean they are.

Even condoms are not 100%, as there is such a thing as "imperfect use" -- condoms breaking, not being put on properly, etc. etc. etc.

There is no such thing as safe sex, only safer sex. All sex has its risk, as even the best forms of protection cannot safeguard against everything. Herpes and warts, for example, only require skin-to-skin contact for transmission.

And, it's a sad truth, that those are the two most common STD's. It is estimated that upwards of 25-30% of people have genital herpes; most of them have just never shown a symptom.

But I digress.

The point of this blog is to let you know that tomorrow, June 27th, you should get tested. There are a host of options out there to get tested at (listed below), and some of them offer the 20-minute oral swab (there is a slight caveat on this, right now, though), some the 20-minute finger stick, and some of them the more traditional 5-7 day oral swab or venipuncture (blood draw). I have personal and professional relationships with people at each one of these agencies, and I would not be posting any of them unless I was 100% sure that you would be treated with the kind of dignity and respect that you should have when you decide to be tested.

1) STOP AIDS -- 513-421-AIDS (2437)
My former employer and one of the largest testing sites in the city, offering the free 20-minute oral swab OraSure. In the past, though I have not received confirmation on this for this year, they offered all day walk-in testing on National HIV Testing Day. On Fridays, too, they offered walk-in testing from 9a-1p. I'm guessing it will not be much different tomorrow. Regardless, show up at 9a, they are always, always busy, and I've been informed that the entire testing staff will be available to test that day.

2) Cincinnati Health Department
Ambrose Clement/Burnet Ave 513-357-7350
Northside Clinic 513-357-7600
Price Hill Clinic 513-357-2700
Offering the free 20-minute finger stick test. I don't have much information on their program, and I've not heard of anything specific they are doing. But, if you go to the Burnet Avenue location, see if you can get Johnnie or Chuck -- they are both fantastic people and just wonderful, compassionate testers.

3) Northern Kentucky Independent District Health Department (NKIDHD)
Boone County -- 859-363-2060
Campbell County -- 859-431-1704
Grant County -- 859-824-5074
Kenton County/Covington -- 859-431-3345
Kenton County/Ft. Mitchell (main testing site) -- 859-578-7660
Testing process varies based on location, some do venipuncture and some do the 20-minute test. They put out a great press release and are on Cincinnati.com with their schedule. They are offering special times tomorrow, so check it out here.

4) Planned Parenthood
Sites include: Hamilton, Middletown, Auburn Ave, Western Hills, Springdale, and Clermont County -- 800-230-7526
Offers the 7 day venipuncture, but it does charge a nominal fee for an HIV test. Last I heard it was under $20, but I can't be sure. The great thing is that they are everywhere and there is likely one close to you.

5) University Hospital Emergency Department -- 513-584-0720
Though free, they offer the 20-minute venipuncture, but you have to call while their nurse is working and you have to be medically cleared and sign a waiver before you can do a walk-in test. It's a little bit more paperwork, as the program is more designed for patients of the ER.

Other programs I know little about:

• 4CHARIS/SARA IRP -- 513-542-9730 -- Religious organization
• Hamilton City Health Department -- 513-785-7080
• Warren County Health Department -- 513-695-2428

Likely, there is a testing site near you that you should go to.

As for me, well.

I haven't been tested in two years. And tomorrow... I will be getting tested at STOP AIDS bright and early at 9am. Come out, check it out, I'll be there. Even for me, folks, this freaks me out. It's hard, I know, but it's worth your time.

CINCY GAY SCENE: Drag Races -- WENT WELL

I made it down to the Cincinnati Drag Races. I jokingly said that we ended up at the "back of the bus," as the event was tagged onto Second Sunday on Main. On one hand, it brought a lot of people to the event. On the other, the gays were hidden at the very end.

But that's ok, we're fabulous and know how to party all our own.

It was fun and a great event. STOP AIDS won the Drag Race, while Dykes-R-Us won the "Dykes on Trikes" competition. It was SCORCHING. but a LOT of people came. My little group -- I attached myself to the winners, naturally -- ended up at Boswell's Alley (Whitney Sierra-Devine's bar), but most of the crowd ended up at Below Zero which was PACKED. We just wanted to drink, but not wait in line.

But, our day in pictures... (PS I really hate putting pictures on Blogger. I can't seem to effectively organized them.)

PS VERY SLOWLY UPLOADING VIDEOS FROM YESTERDAY TO YOUTUBE. YEA!

CINCY GAY SCENE, A challenge

Alright, so I was perusing the Q-City News blog just now (work? what's work? the hospital is quiet tonight...), and I came across a couple of events that I had never heard of, and I would say that I am moderately to highly interested in being involved in my community. And what's interesting to me is... I know the people that run these events, and am on several local listservs and still didn't really know anything about them.

For example:
1) GLSEN at Bean Haus (Feb. 21 6:30p-8p) -- sounds a little like an annual meeting, but still could be fun in Covington's Mainstrasse (at, of all places, Bean Haus at 640 Main Street)

2) Nationwide HIV Update (Feb. 6 from 530-830) -- at STOP AIDS, call 513-421-AIDS

And, in all fairness, I would like to point out the one that passed: Laughing Out Loud, by HRC-Cincinnati, on Jan. 30.

So, how do people who are, like me, somewhat interested in their community get reached? How do you reach people that are not in daily contact with the gay world? When my life was homonormative (everyone I dealt with, at one point, was gay), keeping up was so easy. But now? I am missing events right and left.

How do we change that???

PS ---> Q City News Blog mentioned one of my older posts about bar closings, which is why my readership spiked. In fact, we are both apparently "competing" to post an analysis of the "Last Call" article I posted a few weeks ago. We're both moving REAL quick on that, aren't we?

PPS Check out http://www.julietandjuliette.com/ --> it's run by two fabulous local lesbians (one of my BFFs is Juliet and has shouted out to us a couple of times) and they are trying to get nominated by http://www.thelesbianlifestyle.com/ as Best Lesbian Blog of 2007. I think you should all go to Juliet & Juliette, find out just how fabulous they are, and then nominate them accordingly. Yes? Yes.

PPPS Apparently you aren't allowed to use an ampersand with blogspot?