LOVE SONG TO MY PENIS
I love my penis.
It was the conversation du jour as we laid around in the backyard one day, enjoying the sun. Not surprisingly, penises -- or "penii," if you assume Latin declension -- are a normal conversation topic in my life.
"Mine is the penis by which I gauge all other penises." There is assent across the green, and sordid tales of very bad -- along with glorious tales of very good -- penises spring up.
I do love my penis, and I consider it absolutely perfect. Once, while drunk, I named it to properly explain to the world how highly I regard it -- Mary Poppins.
You know, practically perfect in every way.
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