Also from the old blog, but let me preface this by saying this: I get, too often perhaps, the whole "I don't have sex, but I do like to get head" thing
on a regular basis. It is very very real this conception -- thank you, Bill Clinton.
I don't know; it just amazes me that people really think that they are completely devoid of responsibility or concern when they lay back to get head.
I mean, after all, it's not like it's
sex or anything...
Anyways, I think I wanted to become a sex guru at one point so I wrote this piece and this mini-article...
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instructions for your body.
I want to rub my hands across the soft cream of your body. I want to make indentures into your stomach and watch the white spot linger and go. I will watch you drowsily roll over towards me, open your eyes briefly, and smile. I could watch you smile forever. I could hold you here just as long. Entwine my arms around yours, underneath yours like a complicated puzzle. I will wrap my body into yours, matching jigsaw for jigsaw, as I curl and scoot closer to your. The sound of your mumbled, have-dozed how are you brings me home. The feeling of flesh and bone. The gentleness of a lover. Kiss gently the soft skinned cheek, trailing my lips over your neck and onto the top of your spine. Slowly run my hand across the bone down your naked back, clad only in blanket and cold air. You shiver and move closer to my warmth. The minor heat of your body does not fill me, but your presence does. I move my hand down your peach soft legs. Your scent of baby newness and budding leaves reach my nostrils and I take it in. What are you doing. A half heard and half understood question; I lean in to run my lips against yours, open now. They are dry like mine. I feel you smile, and I lick your upper lip in response. You are too much. Does it matter who says it? We both feel it as I reach around to hold on. I inhale your exhaled breath. You are ticklish down where your body meets your legs, so I caress that spot. I want you closer. You jerk and giggle a little. We are matched skin for skin but still I want you closer. Still I want you more. I play briefly in the patch of hair below your belly button. You press closer still, tighter, nearer, further into my embrace. Hands rubbing hands, fingers pressing into flesh, lips running over shoulders and necks. I will not let you sleep until I have had my fill of your body, of your breath, of your being. More than an exchange of lust, it is an exchange of desire and love. I know that tomorrow I will climb dazed from your bed. I know that tomorrow I will have to leave this. But, for now, a tender feeling and perfect moment.
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This was written a while ago, but I still think it's sexy as hell. Someone described it as a piece that "takes your breath away." (It is copyrighted, btw, in that you have no right to republish it or claim it as your own. Just tell me if you want to post it somewhere). I use this as a lead in to our first topic:
"How to Say Hello to a New Partner"
This is one of those touchy subjects. Regardless of how you meet the person, or how long you two have been together, the act of taking off clothes and starting to get down to business is a question at that. What is appropriate to say? What is appropriate to do? How much of your kinkiness do you want to display? What do you tell the person about their.. ahem-ness? These are difficult questions, so I can only speak from the experience that I have... and that's men.
1. It is very appropriate to comment on a man's body and what you like about it. It is a compliment to find, amongst 150 imperfections that every person sees in themselves, someone who finds a piece of you they adore. Think about it. You probably think your belly is to big, or the hair is misplaced all over your body, or you forgot to shave right, or any number of other minor things that we fret over on a daily basis. I know it seems strange, but men have similar insecurities about themselves naked as women, whether they admit to it or not. Finding things that you adore about their body -- whether it's their shoulders, or their legs, or that little area right below the belly button that on muscled men is in the shape of a V -- is a great way of saying "I am looking at you, and I like what I see. I have no problems looking at you naked, or being naked with you."
2. On the flip side, it is entirely inappropriate to comment on anything regarding the size of his penis. If it is extra small, don't even mention it. If it is extra large, don't even mention it (I hesitated about this one because I've made this comment before -- but it leads to egos and difficulty with making further comments). Unless it literally the largest penis you have ever seen or ever will see, then don't talk about its size. Men's penis size is probably one of the biggest insecurities we have, by calling attention to it you reinforce a whole set of norms and stereotypes. Saying that it's "the perfect size for me" is appropriate if asked by your male partner so long as you don't qualify it (don't backtrack on the rule and say "I like them a little smaller" or "I was afraid it was going to break me in half!") Just use it as you would any other and enjoy it.
3. Do not go immediately into anything. Allow sometime undressing, touching, feeling, and fondling. Men: your reward (if your partner is female) will be a much more easily satisfied woman, plus comments on how much fun you were to all of her friends. Women: your reward (if your partner is male) will be a man who can actually please you. Foreplay is not a golf term -- it actually has a biological function (lubricating and exciting both sexes) that should not be ignored this early on. Too many people complain about their partners, the first time they have sex, just get done so quickly. Well, guess what, it's because you're both nervous. When in doubt, pull it out. There are an infinite number of other things you can do to build up to the moment that you may enjoy. Orgasms last 1 second to a minute (average, although the latter is rare); it's all that stuff that leads up to it that makes it good.
4. Take the opportunity to get to know your partner's body, find their "spots," and take advantage of the wonderful opportunity to have someone in your arms -- naked or otherwise.
5. Undressing is neither a race nor a full-on contact sport. Now, agreed, there are some situations where it's hot and heavy and wild and you just have to rip into each other, but that's not the most common experience for anyone (dare you to prove me wrong). Take your time, reach underneath clothing, enjoy the slow addition of more skin against skin. There is no requirement for you to stand in front of each other and undress. Undressing each other is really sexy and is a great way of slowing down the act and increasing foreplay. In porn, a lot of people find the part where they are taking their clothes off (or their clothes are being taken off) the hottest part, even beyond the actual act. Make this your hottest part.
6. Know your limits and stick to them. Period. If you have to, tell your partner what you want to do and what you don't want to do. Always, always talk about what you're doing (not necessarily in that dirty sort of way), but definitely in an open and honest manner. Communication, eye contact, and a subtle word or phrase can be arousing as well.
7. Feel free to laugh at each other. So you thought wearing that hot little number you got from the lingerie store would be sexy, but it turns out to be just over the top. Have a good laugh. Laughter is exercise and helps build relationships (when was the last time you build a friendship off of tears and quiet). Make it ok for your partner to laugh at you and make it ok for you to laugh at your partner. This will make the whole experience more enjoyable and will downplay that awkwardness.
8. Always understand that both of you (in most cases) are nervous and a little shy. Neither of you have been with each other and you don't know what to expect. No two people will be the same. If you have a few awkward moments, just let it go and find a way to make a joke to lighten the mood. If he comes off as a player, he probably still has the same insecurities as everyone else.
9. Never be afraid to try something new -- you should be trying something new in your life every day, but experiment and see where it leads. If it is kinda weird and doesn't feel good, or makes one or both of you uncomfortable, stop doing it and try something else. Again, communicate.
10. Finally: there is no law that says that once you start you can't stop. If you aren't feeling it, or you want to wait, do that. Don't feel like this is a requirement just because you're both naked and grinding, or because you're both 3/4 undressed. Just say it's not quite right and go back to heavy petting, if that's what you've been doing and that's what you feel comfortable doing. Again, maybe you just needed a few more minutes to prep yourself, or maybe you really aren't ready and you want to step off for a little while.
I guess there is one more thing but it's the basis for everything: go with the flow, relax, and make sure you are comfortable where you are and with what you're doing.
When saying hello to a new sexual partner, there's a lot of stuff that comes up inside of us -- and it's not just part of his body that's coming up. We're talking emotions, memories, psychological baggage, and any number of other things. It's important that when (if) you get to this point, that it's enjoyable and you're not in over your head.
So, take a deep breath, smile, and have a wonderful afternoon.
