Friday, January 30, 2009

Question for Friday: Love in the Club

1000th Post -- Wow.

Anyways, so this week's question was fun, and got a shit ton of responses. Simply put, it was: Can you meet the love of your life in a bar? Though I had expected more responses last week with the STD question, this one got a lot of people answering, which is fantastic.

First, I have to give a shout out to what I think is the BEST answer over all, from Jackie S., via Facebook (I totally LOL'd):

Is the love of your life a dirty vodka martini? If so, then yes.

So here are the responses from all of y'all:

  • @amyscalia, and publisher of CincyChic: met my hubby in a bar... while I was on a date with someone else! So, my vote it "yes"! :)
  • @stealanangel: i highly doubt it.
  • @Dr_Jared: I'd like to think so, but alas, I'm to young to go to the bars! :(
  • @veganjacob, and blogger: here's my rationale: if I'M in a bar, then i can assume that my future mate, could possibly be in a bar.
  • Bernard C, via Facebook: I did!
  • John S., via Facebook: love of my life? we all know i dont plan on having one of those. of my weekend? probably.
  • Lisa W., via Facebook: Depends...I'm guessing the more alcohol linvolved, the less likely it is...But you might end up with some really fun stories!
  • @1confusedgirl, and blogger: for the most part, no. unless you plan on getting in a car wreck with each other the same night you meet them....
  • Dan D., via Facebook: I would have to say yes, I know guys that have meet in bookstores, parks and bathhouses. If you can find love in those places you can find love in the bar.
  • Lia H. , via Facebook: You can meet your love online, at AA or a party, and people will say that's sweet or they're happy for you, but the second you say 'I met him at a bar' people automatically think it's shit. Why does it matter where you meet them?
  • Amber F., via Facebook: Of course!? Why not? All things are possible :)
  • Eddie M., via Facebook, and blogger: Let's find out! Below Zero on Thursday night -- see ya there, boys. You don't even have to bring flowers.
  • @micaindetroit: Yes, absolutely; in fact, several in one night.
  • @jnd3001: i did!
  • @iamDeckaset (damn, lost the link): bars & the love of your life?... sure as long as the both of you are sober or plan to stay drunk your entire relationship:0
  • @JaytheBigLug, and blogger: my parents met in a bar- 1st time mom ever went to one- and they still like each other. I just explained my 20s, didn't I?
  • @cincycub: You can meet the love of your life anywhere, yes, even in a bar.
  • @5lbeefyguy (damn, lost the link: I met mine in a sleazy bar 6 years ago
  • @JereKeys, and blogger:: Well, considering that he's been so rude as to not show up at all the places I've been waiting for him, yeah, he's probably off getting tanked and watching go-go boys stuff bills into g-strings.
  • Wolf : Sure it is! Anyone know where and if Cameron Tolle drinks? No but seriously. You can meet the love of your life anywhere. Bar included. Of course the Bigger your Community the more venues other than bars are available to meet them at.
  • Cincinnati NAMjA: Of course you can...and then you wake up.
  • Miss Chanak, via comment: The answer is "yes" however, in my dotage, I prefer bars in the slow lane, also known as, churches. Praise the Goddess.
  • @ninjarad: why not at a bar? it's just another location like a museum or park or restaurant or work.
  • Jeffery, via comment: I met the first love of my life in a bar. Turns out he was a crack head. Thanks be to jeebus I met my very true love after that via on line dating nine years ago. Just goes to show you that love can be found anywhere
  • Julie N., and blogger: You can meet the love of your life at a truck stop. You never know when you'll find someone (friend or lover) who's totally amazing.
  • Montgomery Maxton: "What's a bar? They have those in Cincinnati?"
  • Joe (OB4), via comment: Can you meet a love in a BAR........... Well Yea, I thought I did once, 5 yr relationship till he went psycho, suicidal, etc. Of all things back in 1995 I was working the door at the DOCK carded this guy, gave him hell about his ID, didn't look like him, sorta got in my face, kept coming back each week then asked me out.... moved in and spent 5 yrs with me..... He was a damn good guitarist, and played great music, sex was always great. He shared a extremely traumatic point in my life, the lose of my dad, who treated him like a second son. I still think about him often. James Friebert I still miss you.
  • @quixoticblazes, and blogger: I never try to find anything serious in a bar. But maybe others have more luck/success?
  • @mobu67, and blogger: Of course you CAN, it's just highly unlikely!
  • @glascock: Totally. I met my baby daddy in a bar.
  • @geekjames: I did! At a drag show in Raleigh, NC, 11 yrs ago, neither one of us had ever been there! A long one night stand!
  • @TommyTShirt: I don't think it matters where you meet the love of your life just that you meet them. So I guess thats a yes.
  • @BonneNuit: Sure!
  • Hailey N., via Facebook: i believe it really depends how drunk you are...
  • Aedyn S., via Facebook: yes...
  • Lisa S., via Facebook: sure:)
  • Shanell H., via Facebook: See that's how my husband became my ex falling in love without me at the bar lol!

WHEW!!! You guys sure had a lot to say about this.

My response is actually a lot closer to @veganjacob's than to anyone else's. My thinking is this: if I'm in the bar, and I am (genuinely) looking for love, then there has to be someone else there doing the same right? In the end, I suppose, we are all looking for love in one way or another; it just depends on how it plays out.

If we define love as a quick roll in the sack, then, no doubt, that's the love we get. If we define love as a relationship that lasts a couple of years, then that's what we get.

In the end, we get the love we think we deserve.

My sister doesn't believe this, and often retorts my excitement over new boys with the response: did you meet him in the bar? (What she doesn't realize is that I've been nice -- CF, if you read this, and you won't -- my response should have always been: does he challenge you or is just or arm candy? Is he smart enough or is he just buying you things? Blah. That's another story) I think she's wrong.

I think it is possible to find love wherever you go, but I want to add an addendum. And, I think, this is where I make mistakes.

I truly believe that we find love when we are least expecting it. Dixie and I had this conversation over the weekend, as she recently entered a relationship and suddenly the boys are begging her for a piece. We agreed that it has nothing to do with unattainability, and we agreed it has nothing to do with suddenly noticing it more. Rather, we lose that hunting look. When we stop looking and start experiencing, I think, we abandon that predatory sense where our eyes wander and our excitement grows at the next cute boy in the room.

As a way of explaining, my friend Michelle S. explained to me that people respond to you, in the ways of a relationship, when you absorb yourself in your own life. When your life becomes completely about other people, or wanting to be around other people, and you have nothing in your own life to show for the time it takes to pass one day to the next... well, what interest is there? What enthusiasm? Who wants to date someone whose life will be consumed by you?

To put the points together: when you go out to the bars with friends, and you absorb yourself in your friends and your time with them, you become more attractive. Because people see you as a social person with lots of people that want to be around you.

When you have that hunting look, when your predatory senses are high, then... well, then people only see the hunter and the absolute desire of another person for whatever purpose works for that evening.

Which is terribly unattractive.

In short, it's a rare case that love flourishes over blow jobs in the Serpent. More than likely, you didn't go there for that.

Stick around. This is turning out to be a popular feature here at Next question will be posted Wednesday-ish.


EMullins said...

Update: I did, in fact, see the love of my life at BZ last night, but sadly he hooked up and left with a weasel-faced twink-boy before I could make my move. Damn hesitation!

Anonymous said...

"John S., via Facebook: love of my life? we all know i dont plan on having one of those. of my weekend? probably."

True story.