An atom walks in a bar and shouts: "i've lost all my electrons."Bartender says, "are you positive?"
So a neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender replies, "For you? No charge."From @geekjames:
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Blue
And some other fabulous ones:
A bear walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like a gin and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . tonic."HA! Yea! Fun Saturdays!
The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear answers, holding up his paws, "Born with them, I guess."
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the monkey.
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
What do you call a fish with no eye?
What do you call a deer with no eye?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter-- he can't come to you anyway.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
What do Billy the Kid and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
What do you call a missing parrot?