Wednesday, May 21, 2008


(originally found on the Slog)

I love Condomania -- probably the best source for every condom under the sun. If, for no other reason, it's a lot of fun to peruse the site and see what's out there -- warning, NSFW. They also have a delicious set of adult toys.

But from the world of, well, them... here are PERSONALIZED CONDOMS!! That's right, you two can be the face on your condom.

Hope that doesn't creep you out too much, honey. But you can buy them here!!! I'm actually thinking of doing one for QueerCincinnati... would you pick them up??? And, more importantly, would you put them on???

Also, per Condomania, I'm having difficulty finding the original article in Cargo magazine (oh, duh), here are their rates of the best condoms, by category:

Standard: Durex Natural Feeling
Durex is a reliable brand, and one you can often find handed out by AIDS organizations, as they seem to be fairly pro-safe sex... I wonder why.

Ultra-Thin: Kimono Micro-Thin Large
I once knew a drag queen named Kim Ono. A lot of people like this brand because of the name.

New Shape: Inspiral Condom
What do they mean by New Shape? My penis is the same shape it's always been. It changes size, though. Wanna see?

PS -- From the website regarding the shape: Inspiral condoms are highly rated by our customers and the press as a "must try." Perhaps no where else does form meet function in such exquisite fashion than in the design of the Inspiral condom. The winding, twisting shape succeeds in producing vigorous dynamic action that stimulates nerve endings and heightens sensitivity for both men and women.

Warming: Trojan Shared Pleasure
"It kept getting warmer... and warmer... and warmer... until it started burning!!! I don't know, maybe we just did it too hard." -- From a dear friend of mine who tried to use warming lube in her coochie.

Polyurethane: Durex Avanti
I don't think there is another brand, is there? I dunno, I like polyurethane condoms. Try 'em once. Oh, and Female Condoms are not approved for anal sex.

Extra Large: Trojan Magnum XL
Everyone thinks they need it, few actually do. Apparently, a lot of 14 year olds in OTR think they do. I just tell them to come back when their testicles drop.

Smaller: Lifestyles Snugger Fit
"Snugger Fit" because no man on Earth is going to the pharmacist and asking for the smallest condom they have. I think this is another type of condom that no one else makes.

I'm 90% sure that's not what it looks like, but, whatever, it's a party

Custom Sized: TheyFit Sized-to-Fit
this is a fun website to go exploring

Yes, that is the Condom Wizard, kids. And because I'm a sick, sick man, let's go over some of the thing the Condom Wizard "says" on the website regarding alternatively sized condoms:
1. So, your trying to park your car in the garage of love, but the door just isn't wide enough? You say that most condoms feel like a size 7 shoe when your are a size 10. (from "Larger: From Top to Bottom")
2. So, the hat feels a little tight, eh? You say that the only thing you seem to end up with when in pursuit of a high quality condom is a head-ache? (from "Larger: More Headroom")
3.So, the glove doesn't quite fit right, eh? You crave a high quality condom, but you don't want the sock to slip off? (from "Snugger Fit")

I feel dirty.

No word on if there will be a repeat of the testing. But I'd like to volunteer to try each and every one, so long as I get to pick my lab partner.

All pictures are from the Condomania website.

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