Monday, June 23, 2008

GENERAL STUFF: A Story about Raccoons

We have a raccoon infestation in my house. It's really annoying, and local law says I can kill them. I'm terrified to check the trap this morning that toothless neighbor let us borrow in hopes of catching them and getting them out of our ceiling. This is the text messages from this morning as I explained the situation to other people:
TO TF/CF/EF: I have a raccoon problem. And now we have a HUMANE raccoon trap. I'm all for shooting the damn things.

CF: How is it humane?

ME: Doesnt kill. No pain. Just traps them.

ME: I get to take them into the wilderness and let them free.

CF: So you can set them loose on some else's house? You could lead an army of rodents!!!

ME: My neighbor wants the babies for unspecified reasons.

CF: Ummmm... creepy.

ME: Besides my army of flying monkeys may get jealous

ME: Says u can train them . . . Im convinced he just wants something to love him

CF: Hmmmm...

ME: Or dinner. Redneck delicacy

CF: Trained racoons make tastier roadkill.

ME: Yes. Training tenderizes their little muscles. Easier to chew with fewer teeth.

ME: My life is so weird.

It is. So weird.

(This said, btw, as I am cooking cinnamon rolls for kids that I think have already left with their father who spent the night from whom we got the roommie out of a bad situation with. Weird.)

I am just concerned that the raccoon trap will get either my cat or any number of the cats that roam my property. Which is why this picture on ICanHasCheezburger made me laugh this morning:

more cat pictures



WestEnder said...

Andrew Zimmern ("Bizarre Foods") said raccoon tastes like dark meat turkey. I'd try it!

Jay said...

When you're done being all humane and shit, I can get you the number of Erik's Raccoon. He'll even come over at 4AM to shoot 'em in your attic.

Anonymous said...

You're so DAMN cute. :-) Loved meeting you the other nite. From: your secret admirer.