Friday, February 20, 2009

Question for Friday: Hopping into Bed?

YEA QUESTION FOR FRIDAY! It makes me very happy to come home from school, open a beer, do some laundry, and put together this post. It makes a great end to my week. Much love to all the contributors to this week's question:

How long after you meet someone is it appropriate before you sleep with them?

Now I thought everyone would take it for the joke it was :-), but I got some really great, serious answers. If you haven't figured out by now, these totally match my personal life. Let me just pop another beer open and let's talk about it:
  • From Wolf of, via the blog: Hmmmm.

    Well I'm going to come off sort of slutish here and say if both parties want to right away have fun and do it!

    Whats "appropriate" to some aren't "appropriate" to others but the thing is its not really any of the "others" business or right to say what is "appropriate"

    So my answer is what feels best to both involved. It is a personal choice after all and no one should tell you how long you should wait or judge you if you don't wait long to their standards.

    There is no set "appropriate" time. One of my greatest loves and I hoped in the sack an hour after meeting and didn;t get out of it for 3 days and he was the love of my life. And we were together much longer than alot of people who did the "mating ritual"
  • From Jere Keys of, via the blog:When I was young, I had a two month rule. Then it became a one month rule, then there was no rule. These days, my answer depends on the type of relationship - if we're talking about a Craigslist connection, there's no waiting period. If we're talking about a potential LTR based on real life connection, I'm more likely to go slow and wait until the pressure builds to the point where we can barely keep our hands off each other.
  • From Joe, aka "OB4," long time reader and dear friend, via the blog: Before the nights out!
    Or before the clock strikes 12... 
  • From Sara P., via Facebook: depends on what you are looking for!
  • From Skyp C., via Facebook: I like Sara's answer. :-)
  • From Lisa F., via Facebook: Depends on how you define appropriate
  • From Shanell H., via Facebook: I don't know. I've been holding out for six months with this guy and we've only been on 3 lunch dates but if I could I would give it up he's just not ready for a relationship so I'm keeping it under lock and key, is that wrong?
  • From Terri O., via Facebook: Appropriate? or things happens?..define sleep?..chemistry plays a big role in this..I'm gonna say in general a month of talking and spending quality time together would be a good starting point.
  • From David C., from Africa :-), via Facebook: For you babe, five minutes. My favorite answer... :-)
  • From Heather S., via Facebook: It depends on the relationship and those involved in it. I don't think there is a 'appropriate' amt of time. It differs with each person you are involved with!
  • From Doris C., via Facebook: Um, sometimes never
  • From Brian B., via Facebook: As soon as they let you Probably the best answer, especially from this unlikely source
  • From Montgomery Maxton (also a blogger), via FacebookIts okay to sleep with someone after the second date as long as they have disclosed their disease sheet.
  • From @JaytheBigLug (also a blogger): third date is still 'standard,' but realistic? Follow your gut. Also- hookup v. Relationshippage?
  • From @rainie1u (also a blogger): do I care to keep them in my life or am I just curious about their sheet skills? If I want to keep them, I'd wait a month.
  • From @Dr_Jared: I think now, you should know them for atleast more than 3 days, but napping is acceptable...
  • From @Julian_Hill (also a blogger): 15 mins?
  • From @WildCuddler (also a blogger): You mean you're supposed to wait?
  • From @JDDalton (who promises me this is his last Twitter name change): one should wait at least an hour before jumping into bed. You might get a stomach ache otherwise.
  • Late Entry: From @winemedineme (also a blogger) (and a pretty good actress, from what I hear): as long as no warning bells go off, why wait?
Oy vay!!!

How long, how long, how long? 

On a side note, just ran a load of whites down -- I know, shocker, not only do I separate my colors and whties, I bleach -- it's a habit developed because of the godawful white scrubs I have to wear for clinicals. Anyways, I hate the smell left on my hands after I bleach stuff. It taints anything I'm trying to eat... or drink.

An anecdote: one of my dearest mentors in college, Dr. Glass, met his partner of 25 years in the torrid romantic spot we all know and love, Burnet Woods. The joke is that his partner stuck around because of the cable. But I seriously doubt that love developed over a shared interest, but was fanned because of a shared appreciation for each other's penis. To my knowledge, they are still together. 

I am not one to turn down a one-nights stand. Sure, I fuck up sometimes and think it's more, but we all do  that. Sigh. That's life. That's this gay life, at least. But I have no problems with a quick romp in the sack with a boy. And, really, of the gay men that read my blog, how many of your good friends or ex-boyfriends (or current boyfriends or husbands or "others") are former tricks that, for one reason or another, stuck around for years and years and years and years.

I don't think sex per se ruins the future possibility of a relationship. I think it is, rather, our take on it. 

I don't think there is a time limit. If you're out on a date, and it comes to the moment, I think common decency dictates that it should be a couple dates before you have sex. After all, you're trying to develop an emotional connection first in the hopes of something more develops over a longer period of time. But how many first dates have you been on in your life that you wish you had just fucked and gotten it over with? I rest my case. 

In the end, it's all about the people involved. God knows in my sluttiest days, I was in no place to date someone, so, despite what I thought, I was not the ideal "follow up fuck." In my calmest days, I was in no place for a one night stand, so I became the perfect two- or three- or four-week fuck buddy. It's all about the people involved, in the end. (Unintentional pun -- deserves another beer.) About the people and where they are. 

I set no limits, and will continue to set no limits. 

I've chosen celibacy for the moment for my own reasons, though I'm still the prolific tongue whore I've always been, and people keep asking me for how long? (We've all universally agreed that mudbutt doesn't count.) 

That's just another time limit. When I find someone I really want to fuck, I'll fuck 'em. 

But if I want to date them for a little while at first, I think I can wait.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

bleaching your whites is great, despite the smell.

if you wore dress white shirts, i'd share with you the joy of a bleached white shirt that is freshly ironed with starch.