Monday, January 19, 2009

Dan Savage is at it again...

Once upon a time, Dan Savage redefined god-awful, gay-hating Sen. Rick Santorum's last name to mean "The sometimes frothy, usually slimy, amalgam of lubricant, stray fecal matter, and ejaculate that leaks out of the receiving partner's anus after a session of anal intercourse. Named, by popular demand and usage, after legislator Rick Santorum because of his homophobic political statements." (Thanks to the Urban Dictionary for that.)

And now he wants to do the same for Rick Warren's church, Saddleback Church. So what, do you think, should be the definition of "Saddlebacking?" These are the finalists:
(1) "Logically, if 'barebacking' means having butt sex with no condom, then 'saddlebacking' should mean having butt sex with a condom."

(2) "Saddleback (verb): to submit someone to any kind of humiliating, unreciprocal sex act, either literally or metaphorically, consented to by passive partner due to submissive/masochistic tendencies, desire for approval, or other darker motive. E.g., 'I don't know why Obama is letting Rick Warren saddleback him into presiding over his inauguration.'"

(3) "The saddleback position involves placing your lubed dick between the butt cheeks of your partner. This position can be performed on your sides or on top of a facedown partner (maybe with a pillow under his or her hips). My favorite way of finishing up the saddlebacking is to lift up and come on my wife's sweaty back. The saddleback is a nice compromise position when your partner won't allow anal entry."

(4) "To saddleback is to rail against gay sex in public while secretly indulging in the same in private. Ted Haggard? Total saddlebacker. Larry Craig? Saddlebacker. Rick Warren? Probably a saddlebacker."

(5) "'Saddlebacking' should be the term for the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities. 'After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she's saving herself for marriage.' Please, please adopt this definition!"

(6) "Saddleback (verb): to ejaculate on the back of a partner at the culmination of doggy-style anal sex."

(7) "Before being invited to give the invocation, Mr. Warren was most noted for his book The Purpose Driven Life. Therefore, 'to saddleback' is to fuck with a purpose, i.e., to procreate. A heterosexual couple asked if they're trying to have children could reply, 'No, we're not ready for kids yet, but we'll probably start saddlebacking next year.'"
I'm voting for number one, because it's about time we had an answer to the term "barebacking." Right? Why not Saddlebacking. My email is going in right now. Make sure you email your preference to: Yea, yea, there are some more "poetically ironic" ones. But who would commonly use the other ones?

Thanks to Joe. My. God. for pointing this out.

PS My cat is lovable, sweet, and wonderful.. but needy. Anyone want her? Her name is Jezebel. You should find the irony sweet.


WestEnder said...

Ironic: Santorum is a big animal rights guy and gets a high rating from PETA.

Barry Floore said...

How is that ironic? I'm trying to figure it out. I'm slow though.

Derek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Derek said...

#5 wins, so saddlebacking is now Christian teens "abstaining" by having anal sex to preserve their virginities. I voted for that choice, so I'm happy with the definition.