Mail Order Husbands

Neatorama, in all its glory, introduced me to one of the funniest websites I have ever encountered -- MailOrderHusbands.net. This has to be a joke, but I thought I'd poke around a little bit and see what's going on.

I mean, just check out their options:


Name: David
Ladies, serving your needs is my game. Actually rugby is my game. Seeking.. a lady. I like the more natural look, somewhat earthy, but one that cleans up real well. I seem to be attracted to tall women with dark hair, smallish head, elongated torso, with natural finger nails (NO PAINTED HUSSIES!!!).
Apparently, beggers can be choosers -- remember, don't paint yourself, ladies. Else David here definitely won't want a piece of you.


Name: Daryl
My name is Daryl. I am 17, but will be turning 18 in September. I figure by the time we get to know each other I will be legal tender and we can marry. My parents are kicking me out after December and I'd like to meet a woman with a lot of money so we can have fun. I like women between 18-45, but would consider older if we do not have to touch a lot.
Statutory rape -- not just for men anymore.


Name: Earl
I deal in reality...and the reality is that I'm ready for love. I can chop lots of wood and can even climb a greased pole. I keep in shape by chasing chickens around my back yard. I keep my self clean and take baths weekly.
Location: West Virginia, U.S.A.
Well, he is from West Virginia. You should be happy he bathes at all.

And this one is listed as half-priced...


Name: Fuad
Ladies, I'm still available. I've been here for about 2 years. what gives? Don't ya wanna party with me? woohoo... They lowered my price twice already. I'm a red-hot special, come and get me. Location: San Bernadino, USA
Um. No comment

I mean, really, what lady wouldn't want to take these men home with them?

Then I took the (laughable) compatibility test, and I was expecting, know, one of these gentlemen to pop up. This is who it paired me with...

Stan, (stationed) in Iraq ... I got way too much time on my hands over here. I'm on my second tour in Iraq and am supposed to go back in a few months. I'm cool with going to most anywhere afterwards. I'm looking for a traditional type of woman who wants a bunch of kids.

Um, what's the pricing scale again?